The Prayer Chair

Thankful

2009-06-03T13:07:00.002-04:00

Lord, I am so thankful today. I am thankful that I am thankful today! I have found some new sisters in Christ online, who have been sharing a particular journey with me. One just prayed for me via email and it was a beautiful prayer which said:

Lord, fill Laura with YOU. I know that as she knows YOU more (the power of Your presence, love and grace) she will trust YOU more. As she does that YOU will guide her thinking and her behavior. Thank You, God, that You do not judge us on our behavior, that Christ has already taken care of this on the cross, and that the only thing that you require of us is belief. give her your Spirit of grace towards herself, knowing that if You don't condemn us, then neither should we condemn ourselves. Praise you, Lord!

May it be so, Lord, MAY IT BE SO!

Scared

2009-04-21T16:26:00.002-04:00

God expects discipline.

Fruits of the Spirit.

Yet.

I know only He can transform me

to make it a joyful obedience

to make it worth anything.

So where does the discipline

come into play?

Where does faith and obedience meet?

Where does one begin and the other end?

Where do they co-exist?

I don't know.

That's my question

and I'm scared and confused

in the in between.

Help me.

Lent Descends

2009-02-25T21:35:00.004-05:00

Praying for transformation, Lord. I want this season of Lent to truly resonate within me in such a way to move me deeply and ever closer to You, that the world pales in comparison and the fears and worries go with it.

You have done so much for me, so many blessings, and many incredible changes that I can't even believe. But it's nowhere near where I should be and I know that. Thank You for Your grace, your mercy, your love raining down on me always.

Blown Away

2009-01-27T08:45:00.003-05:00

Dear Lord in Heaven,

I am so blown away this morning at the blessings you cast down upon me last weekend. I feel so humbled at the astounding comments on my class. I wanted to relay my passion, my understanding, my love and desire to inspire the women to want to take another step in their walk with You, to understand You more, to truly try to "Love God with all their minds". I am so gratified by the response and continuing phone calls of women who wanted titles, who were interested in the study Bibles I had brought, who cried with me afterward.

And the best blessing of all was after church on Sunday, when You spoke to Sharon, who felt compelled to come over to me and say, "God impressed me to tell you , that as I saw you on Saturday, and at a very quiet and unassuming time, that it was so apparent and clear how much you love God." It brought me immediately to tears because just 5 years ago I sat at my dining room table and young Grant from next door saw me with a Bible beside me and was totally surprised and shocked that I even was a Christian, so lacking was it within me that no one could see it. It was a pivotal point for me I will never forget, that I knew things must change if no one could see I loved or even knew God. And now to have Sharon come up to me saying this was just breathtaking to me.

Thank you Lord, thank you Lord.

God is Good

2008-11-18T07:23:00.003-05:00

Thank you for ending the class on such a fun, spirited and engaging way last night. We learned, we laughed we, discussed - all as I had hoped it would be when I took this on.

All the women had a new understanding, their interest piqued, perhaps seeing You and these unnamed women in the Bible in a different way and also deciphering some difficult Scripture regarding women in general.

And despite how the culture treated women, they stood in faith and courage in unbelievable ways and from them we are inspired ourselves. We see that you oh Lord, have continued to value us, use us for Your glory.

Thank You!

November

2008-11-14T17:55:00.004-05:00

It's been a long, dark summer for me, Lord, but I am finally seeing the light again and the weight feels lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for helping me and not only holding my hand but leading me back to the light again.

Thank you that Chris passed his GED (with even exceedingly high scores!) and even worked with Jeff for a while (and liked it!). I pray now that he continues on with his life and finds a job he likes, that he continues his struggle with you. Yes all those questions in his agnostic mind. Keep asking! Don't give up! He asks to see you and I ask that you reveal yourself to him and yet...yet...I have to have faith you will find him. Find him, Lord!!!

I thank you for the time away with Ben at the cabin, on the canoe, in the wilderness, in your nature where my heart is always filled. Thank you that we reconnected in a big, beautiful way. That we have hope and another layer of foundation in our marriage.

I thank you for the class I have been leading that is nearly at its end. Oh Lord, I was so unsure that I should even teach it in the mood I was in, but you knew better, knew it would help me get back in your Word, help me get outside of myself, out back in the world and amongst friends and new people. I am so grateful.

Finally it fall - or as fall as Florida gets - and oh the skies are deeper and the air is dryer and many times I have been able to throw open the windows and let the cool winds come in and clear the cobwebs out after 9 months of air conditioning and filtered air. I can't wait to run in heaven in all the splendors of nature! I know there is no evidence to prove it, but I surely hope all my old beloved pets will be frolicking with me. Oh what a happy time that would be!

I pray for our new president elect, and also for all who opposed him becoming president. May we all, somehow, come together out of compassion and love for one another. Let us show the world we are not the stereotype so many display in your name. Help us to show and reflect your light, not try to pound it into people's heads with self righteousness.

Oh Lord help us to be merciful, full of light, compassionate and faithful.

For this and so much more I close this prayer this day.

In Your Name I Pray,

Amen

More Thanks

2008-08-18T07:12:00.004-04:00

Thank you, Lord, thank you for being with me through this journey that is so different this time. Thanks for placing those around me to help. Fifteen pounds gone and counting!!

I pray for B. with her missing niece in Pakistan and that whole family as she and the baby are gone. Please have T. get in touch with them.

Guide and direct Ben and I as we explore the painful process of looking at other churches.

Be with C. as he takes his GED the next couple of days. If it is your will I pray he passes it the first time so he can get on with his life.

Reveal yourself to me further to me, dear Father...

And could you answer the question about pets in heaven, please?!!

Laura

2008-08-08T15:39:00.002-04:00

There are reasons somewhere for tragedies
though we will not understand many of them this side of eternity
but we hang on to You anyway, Lord, as you come to us in our grief
I see these families; you have brought them to their knees
they are raw and shaken by what You have allowed
Somehow through their tragedies we see the firm foundations they have built
bringing tears to our eyes as we see blessings, grace, mercy, compassion
They still believe, despite it all, even so, they still believe
Their faith speaks volumes, adds to our own foundations
I pray there be
blessings of comfort and peace
rays of hope shining down in moments
the "crumbs of life"
for all of us
leading to the gory of You

June 27, 2008

2008-06-27T08:20:00.002-04:00

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

2008-06-24T17:04:00.002-04:00

Wow, Lord, I knew changes were coming, but I did not realize how far reaching they would be, sweeping across most all of my life! Yowza!

Father I thank you for opening my eyes the last few weeks and realizing I have now entered a new season in my life. I am withdrawing a bit from all the church activities and concentrating on You, on my husband, and I am realizing it's not so selfish to take care of myself. I may not be number one on the list, but I've definitely pushed myself up a few notches.

After that hurtful email I cried out to you as I felt so alone. I did indeed hear you say, "Come to me" in an almost audible voice. I took it seriously and now I see it wasn't just for that but for many things in my life. Come to me directly. There is a time and a place for classes and talking to fellow sisters in Christ. And then there is the time to go directly to You. To lean more on You. To strengthen my faith in You.

And when I sought You in Your Word there was nothing but confirmation there, sending me to Isaiah, it blew my mind that it underlined indeed I should be taking this posture. Ben seems to be in wonder about it, but is grateful as I think I was starting to create a separation with all the things I was involved with. So silly , Lord, because as you know, I have always preached (in a prideful way) that I was against this very thing, that I am not a Martha (shouting to the rooftops), oh no indeed, I am a Mary! Ha! how you help us eat our words and humble the prideful.

Lord, THANK YOU, for putting Kathy's name in my mind to tutor Chris for his GED. And THANK YOU that he consented. Now I ask that they get along well together (though I could not think of a better match) and that Chris will take advantage of this opportunity and open himself up because Kathy could very definitely rub off well in so many wonderful ways on him, including showing Your face to him. I am literally the only adult who encourages my son and I have been asking You send someone else that isn't just "mom". Thank You for laying this before him.

You have made me SO see that I have much to learn about my pride. Not that I didn't know about this before and have laid it before You in the past, but - whew - how far reaching it is in my life - even to accepting people to help me lose weight and get my health under control

And speaking of my health - how wonderful to start gaining energy already, and to be sleeping better is beyond great. Thank You! Oh it feels soooo slow, but You are with me all the way.

I love you, Lord Jesus.

Thank You for all you have done and continue to do in our lives.

Amen

Tim Russert

2008-06-14T08:55:00.004-04:00

Lord, you know what a good and fair man Tim was in this volatile political climate. I enjoyed his human take on politics in an unbiased manner, his love of family and faith that he never lost as he grew more successful, his big smile and sense of humor that never was far in any given situation.

We don't know, Lord, why you took him, especially in a year when many could have used his wise words, but we hope he is now basking in the wonders of Your glory.

One thing I do know is that it is surely a learning lesson in caring for one's health and how I must focus on taking care of myself no matter what more than I ever have before. As I am now on an active diet and exercise plan I can sometimes whine and complain about it, but this gives me a wakeup call why it is so important to do what I am doing and with fervor.

Be with his wife, his young son, his father as they grieve the loss of a good man.

Thankful

2008-05-30T18:29:00.003-04:00

I know the road is hard ahead, but I am amazed how you have opened the path before me, prepared the people around me, given me so many possibilities that it astounds me at the moment. I dare to hope. I dare to believe things can change; more specifically that I can change. There are pitfalls and many challenges ahead. But this time I am ready to fight for my life and you have given me a helicopter, rowboat and safety net so clearly that I would be a fool not to see it. I don't know why you find me deserving (even though I have prayed for your mercy here for years!) with so many who have not had this chance, but I am so grateful, Father, so appreciative how you have worked this out so perfectly. Oh how wonderful it is to see your hand in this and how you carefully laid things out as they should be when the time was right. You sent people who you knew would understand the complexities of who I am, who have told me they will believe until I can see it myself, who have been where I am now, who want to help me. Thank you. Thank you. Be with me on this long and arduous journey but help me to remember you are always by my side, ever present, that I can do all things through you who saved me, that I will get on my knees every morning and not forget you are the one who orchestrated this, who worked through the people and arranged the scenario I could never have even dreamed of.

I can do this. I will do this.

The Lighted Path

2008-05-23T06:59:00.004-04:00

Lord,
I do feel as if you have lit the path before me clearly. The long stretch of waiting and wondering feel as if they are coming to an end and I am astounded how things seem to be working out. Of course they come with fears of their own, but Father! How you have set in place, seemingly, a team of people who can help me, and in addition the chance to write, and even better, perhaps a way to help other women along the way who struggle with these same things. I am awestruck and overwhelmed. Please be with me as I go through this journey. It will be long and I'm sure full of pitfalls that this time I hope to finally overcome with the help you are placing around me. Thank you Lord.

Thanks also for a great trip to California; intense, productive and a great time with my brother. You have used him to be so instrumental in this new journey as well and I grateful! As much as he knows you, I see how so very far he has to go to have the peace and understanding I have had the luxury to gain by your grace and the many studies I have taken which has helped me understand you further. You have graced him with so much brilliance it is hard for him to understand it all, as it has always been all his life he searches for his purpose in you even though he has had incredible worldly success, known by many, yet he still feels scared. Still wonders in confusion at time. Happiness has always been an elusive thing in our family. I pray we find it in completeness with you and that we continue moving forward towards it until we do so or you take us home.

Ben is in a tough place once again. Feeling like he's not fitting in which has plagued him all his life. Oh Lord, pry open his heart more fully. You and I know how deep that goes within him in such incredible ways. Let the love more fully flow in and out. I pray he allows you to guide him, that he allows himself to feel your peace, acceptance, complete love, that he will realize you do not condemn and judge him as he does himself, that he value himself as you (and I) do. Ignite his passion again, get him through this time. Comfort and encourage him and give me the right words to say that can in some way help him through. Send him someone he can relate to outside this home. He is the love of my life and he has so much to give that he can't see himself. Show him, Lord. And give him strength until he sees it himself.

Be with Chris. Be in Chris. Push him forward into a better life with you and give him more meaning in life than what he has. There is so much more! I pray people will not give up on him and will extend grace to him as you have, as unmerited as he deserves it.

Forgive me when I spend too little time with you. Forgive me my pride and when I am a hypocrite in my faith. Help me to be all that you want me to be. Help me to be a vessel for you, as fragile as I am in ways, and to reflect who you are to others. Forgive my weaknesses, my lack of faith, my abusing this temple as I have. I pray you can move me forward in these areas so I can be more of what you want me to be and go where I need to go. Help me to be fearless and to have the inner strength to fight in the many areas I need to, but with grace and love and dignity.

Help me to always remember I am a child of the king, no matter what others think of me.

Oh yeah - and thanks for the rain we had. Our grass was like straw no matter how we tried to water it, so the soaking 24 hour rain was a gift. Be with us as we enter hurricane season in a few days as well. Oh Lord, so many calamities all over the world I feel guilty for even asking you anything. Be with all those who are in such dire need of you.

All these things I ask according to your will.

Amen

Surrender

2008-05-10T07:01:00.004-04:00

So I'm trying hard to be at that point of surrender, Lord. I have felt a change coming in my life for some time now, and it is as if I am finally at the bend where it really is going to happen. Please be with me through the changes and decisions ahead. It's exciting and daunting at the same time and I try to stay in a state of surrender, but boy is that hard at times.

Thank you for the possibility of help in restoring my health to the way it should be. A lot, if not most, will be in my hands and after constant failure in this area for years it's scary to have hope, but I know it is your will for me to do so and I must lean on you all the more.

I am so excited about the possibility of a writing venture with my brother. Please be with me as I go through this process. What a blessing!

Thank you for working through me as I wrote and debated Pastor K through email. He thanked me for the "theological exercise", said I had done a great job and called me a theologian! Imagine that. I replied that was the best compliment I had received all day! But really, you gave me the words to say (from your very Word!) that helped him to understand things in a different way from my point of view and he didn't refute it! I am grateful for that, as well as strengthening my thoughts on the matter that you helped point me to.

Be with me as I travel to Los Angeles next week. My brother is hungry to hear of you and my being his only spiritual feed puts pressure on me to say the right thing, so I lay it at your feet. You have already worked great things in him for you the past couple of years and I just want to raise my hands and say "hallelujah"! I pray the trip will be good time together for many reasons, but mostly for that. If you can use me to get him closer to you than it would be answered prayer indeed.

I pray for the thought that entered into my mind about the new half way house for girls who need someone to help with Bible studies on Sunday nights. Having a bit of experience in this now which seems to be going well, there was a catch in my heart (from me or from you?) that maybe I could do this for teenage girls. Of course in the next nano-second I thought "No, I couldn't handle that." and I do wonder if I am ready to give a study with unbelievers or perhaps even young girls who don't really want to be there. And yet. And yet.... I so want to get outside of the church walls. I don't want to always only be preaching to the choir, you know? You told us to go out in the community. It's the Great Commission, but I've been (am) so scared sometimes. So please help me to be discerning here.

I pray you make a way for Ben to find a Christian school near his job so that he can go back to school and study about YOU! Talk about a theologian - he would be such a good candidate for that and he has such a yearning to learn about you and your word. I pray if it is your will you will make it so for him.

As always I pray for my son, that you will mature him, reveal yourself to him, that he will find his identity in you and not of this world where he continually looks for validation. Oh I pray for my son, Christopher, to see you and life and his family in a new and different way. Lift the veil, Lord!! And at the same time I am so grateful for all the good things about him, that you gave him caution that has stopped him so many times from doing things he should not, that we communicate, that he has a good sense of humor. Oh, if only he had eyes for you as well. But surely our many conversation will help plant the seeds which will be harvested for you in time. I keep telling him to continue to ask the big and hard questions. You're big enough to take them! So please give him an answer, Father. Oh how I pray that this is so.

One more little thing. Or should I say two. Though I pine to be in a place where I can have dogs again, I sure do thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who have been constant friends and companions for over a decade. Georgie will be 13 this month by the grace of you, and they add such measure and meaning to my life. Thank you that they are still in good health.

And all God's people said.

Amen.

Decisions

2008-04-13T07:22:00.002-04:00

Lord,

There are some interesting and hopeful decisions to be made on the horizon which I am very grateful for. Please help me to be discerning, and not go by my emotions and reactions which can get this woman into trouble. Give me the strength that can only come from you to finally get to the end of this stronghold (or whatever it is!) in my life. And as I negotiate the highways and byways of this world, please protect me and give me sound judgment and wisdom.

Thank you so much for helping me in leading this Bible study. Thus far, even with a rotten cold, the studies have gone well, the discussions bright and lively and interesting. Being a leader forces you to learn more and I love that because, as you know dear Father, I tend to be a slacker and a skimmer at times (it's this hard wired laid back attitude you gave me!). But there has been some great feedback thus far which can only lead me to believe you are in fact able to work through this weak vessel. Praise God for that!

Give Merry the strength (after speaking all weekend at another women's retreat) to give the message today before Pastor Kent gets back. I see you working in her life way beyond the church and I can only hope I can do the same at some point.

I hear there is one more cool front pushing into hot and humid Florida and Lord you know I am grateful for relief from being ever "moist" with any movement whatsoever.

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

Amen.

Beth Moore Live!

2008-03-29T21:49:00.003-04:00

What an absolutely amazing weekend! Lord I thank you for Beth Moore and for working through her and her staff in a mighty, MIGHTY way to me and to so many others the last 24 hours. She is an incredible witness and instrument for you. She illuminates the Bible, she inspires passion, she challenges us to be all we can be in You, instills deep desire to be closer to You, Jesus. Tears of joy, praise, conviction, humbleness at your amazing grace. To also be in the presence of so many Believers as the Holy Spirit blew like a mighty wind. Awesome indeed. A fresh word was what she wanted to give us and indeed she did.

Thank you also for the time spent with my 12 friends who I shared the trip with. Thank you for your traveling mercies as I drove us the many hours up and back.

I am still filled to the top!

On This Easter Day...

2008-03-23T12:04:00.002-04:00

I am overflowing
at the thought
of your sacrifice
at your humbling grace
and never ceasing love
for each and every one of us
whether our faces are turned to you
or not
we are loved unendingly

Day of Rest

2008-03-22T09:25:00.003-04:00

Lord, I think of you today - the Sabbath day you rested in the tomb. I can imagine all was very quiet and drawn that day. Sadness loomed, feeling oppressive. Perhaps confusion was abounding as well and a terrible sense of emptiness.

Oh the contrast of what would be tomorrow. Oh how the angels would sing at the glory of your rising from death. How the weight of sadness would be transformed into utter and complete joy when those who walked with you would see you again! I can't wait to talk with them one day, to hear it face to face, to hear the amazing stories about that first Easter morning.

And so until then, Lord, my heart fills with warmth and gladness, undeserved thankfulness at your ultimate sacrifice for all of us, for the hope of someday reaching our real home with you as we walk through this often dark country far away from that place. Yet, you are here with us. Living, breathing and guiding us through the joys and sorrows on earth. How grateful I am to you as I shake my head in wonder at your love for us...

I bow to you and only you, Lord Jesus!

Thank you.

Saturday Morning

2008-03-15T10:53:00.002-04:00

Lord I do thank you that the results of my tests came back so clear. "Excellent" is what the doctor kept saying as we went through the blood tests, the liver. No diabetes (I knew about the hypoglycemia already), no heart disease. My thyroid fine on the level of meds I take. Only a couple of minor, seemingly inconsequential things found. I thank you that you gave me parents who cared about what they fed their kids and that they didn't raise us on Cocoa Puffs and Pop Tarts and soda, but made sure we ate a mostly vegetarian diet, whole grains, good food. I'm sure that is what has helped me have such clean blood, liver and urine at this point.

Again, I am thankful, and yet you know I'm frustrated too. I have to admit, confess, that although I didn't want anything to be really "wrong", that perhaps there could be something that could explain why it is so hard for me to lose weight. It seems when I diet what others lose on I only maintain on, meaning I have to eat half as much and exercise twice as much as everyone else to budge the scales or so it seems (and to others as well). And then if I'm lucky I will lose for 3 or 4 months and then it just stops. Stops! Doesn't feel like a plateau, it feels like I hit a brick wall. That is so hard for me to keep going on what seems like so little food and so much sacrifice.

I know, drivel, drivel, whine, whine. But, Lord, you gotta know I'm frustrated. I was hoping there was an answer to that but perhaps it was how you genetically made me and I have to keep trying until I find the right answer for me. It is so tiring, Lord. You know how exhausted (not just tired, but exhausted) I get now. Such a viscous circle it puts a person in when they get heavy. So what do I pray for? I guess complete obedience regarding this? Um, maybe not that. Perhaps a change of heart and mind and an attitude adjustment towards food and my situation I suppose. So, Lord, I pray for that and for whatever I am supposed to learn and understand regarding this particular journey of my life.

Oh, I am so truly grateful for the lectures on Paul I have been hearing on that long drive to and from the doctors. Also for the Dallas Willard book that is just so amazing and exciting to read. Over and over again I see that you want a living, breathing, intimate relationship of faith with us, not the rules, the regs, the legalism that humans want to place into "religion". I see how Abraham, who had none of those instructions you later gave, had complete and utter faith in you and that is what made him righteous! Oh Lord how I love that and attain to that myself. And I thank you that I am so filled with passion over this and other things as I start the new Bible study soon. It is only by learning and studying that we start to comprehend the overall picture you want for us. It really is incredibly exciting.

Thanks for last night, when the Women's Ministry met for dinner. Again, puts a smile on my face to see how many were touched in the community and outside of our church, and already we are putting our prayers and thoughts into next year's retreat. Thank you Father God for all of this!

So, on I go. As always, I lay my son before you (I "lay my Isaac down"), my marriage, my life.

Laura

State of Health

2008-03-12T10:48:00.002-04:00

Dear Lord,

Thank you for so much for all that I have. Help me to be ever grateful of what you have done in my life and all you have given me. Help me to always do the right thing no matter the cost.

Be with my doctor tomorrow as he reviews all the tests I have undergone the last month of my heart, my thyroid, my blood sugar, etc. Give him the wisdom to diagnose me correctly. And please, Lord, be with me as I hear the news. Help me retain it, ask the right questions, and most importantly (and what I have the hardest time with), help me to be able to change my life permanently in the way I need to based upon the results I receive. I so pray this will help give me a better game plan for my health, curtailed to the findings.

Thank you for the long conversation with my son about You, Christianity and faith. Forgive his immature ideas and lack of knowledge. I ask you to honor his searching in all these areas and I pray again for you to reveal yourself to him and that he will be saved into your kingdom. Help me to be a better witness. With all the knowledge I have gleaned over the past few years I was so grateful for it so I could teach him about your promises, redemption, Christian history, how the Muslim nation began with Ishmael. I could see he was truly listening to that and was impressed that was foretold and happened in the Bible. Bring him to you, Lord Jesus! As I always pray, give him eyes to see and ears to hear and to make a decision for you.

I pray you will be with me as I lead the Beth Moore study in two weeks on Paul. I pray you work through and give me the discipline, wisdom and words to help the ladies who will be attending. I pray for the hearts of all who will attend or are thinking of attending, that we all will be inspired as we see the Bible and Paul illuminated in a way perhaps we've never known before through the gift you have given Beth Moore.

I pray for all those in need. May they seek you, find you, feel your strength and comfort always.

In your precious name I pray,

Amen.

Anointing

2008-02-22T16:42:00.006-05:00

Father, I hope that what I did was right when I anointed our home with oil today. Before I started, as I closed my prayer with the words, "In Jesus name", was that You in the sunshine that suddenly came out and flooded the room so that even with my eyes closed I noticed? So perfectly timed it was...

After our Sunday school teacher informed us that he had done the same, it just seemed like it was the right thing to do at our home. You know I've never really done anything like that before, except in my old New Age days (which made me feel weird), so I do pray you will honor my intentions in doing so now. I know it is merely a symbol, but I prayed my way around the house outside, anointing every door and window, and then inside the house doing the same, especially in Chris' room, praying the Holy Spirit would be through the whole house, that evil could not live or remain here.

May it be so, Lord, may it be so.

2008-02-18T07:24:00.003-05:00

Thank you for answered prayer yesterday. I was up at the alter praying for C and B's hearts to be warmed toward each other during the church service and by lunch B started to talk about how maybe we could start praying together for C, that he wanted to work with me, that the wall of unforgiveness was not working. Little did I know he had read this very blog about how alone I felt regarding parenting, why I couldn't go to him. It is strange how You worked through my own words, unbeknown to me, to help him see things in a different way. Just by knowing he would want to pray for C together shows me his heart is warmer. Right there at the restaurant the tears just started to slip out I was so thankful. We have wanted to pray together for some time and always stumbled and stopped. Now we are going to try to recommit to that important part of our marriage.

During the service yesterday there was a marriage renewal ceremony for those in the church that wanted to do so. A great many couples went forward including K and her husband. K is battling, what seems to be a courageous but losing battle with cancer. She is stick thin and walked painfully to the front. Everyone who saw her was so struck to the core that this could possibly be their last year together even though they are only in their 40's and have teenage children. It was heartbreaking to hear "Until death do us part" knowing theirs could be much too soon. They cried. We cried. God bless them, Lord. Keep them in the palm of Your hand. Grant them strength, comfort and peace.

God bless our Sunday School teacher, B, who made the tough decision to stop teaching our class in lieu of furthering his evangelism with kids. It is the right decision even though we will surely miss his insight, knowledge and instruction. It was not a big surprise to hear he had decided this and when I think of all the kids he will bring to You, then how could we not let him go in kindness? So please bless him in this venture.

Thank you for a good week ahead. Thank you that the new integrative doctor will accurately diagnose me. Bless the people who will perform the ultra sound on my thyroid and may all the other tests have no mistakes to alter the findings. Guide me, direct me and all the professionals as well regarding what I should do. Only You know if this is what will help me in losing weight, lessening the headaches, etc.

Help us to be ever closer to you, Lord. Help us to be who you want us to be.

I love you,

Laura

Worry/Fear/Stress

2008-02-13T11:16:00.003-05:00

Lord, you know what's killing me right now. You saw and heard me on my knees at 5:30 am petitioning you because I could no longer sleep. I read Proverbs and it only made me feel lousy. Help me get through this. Help me to be stronger. Give me a new way that may penetrate. Help me to have peace because my stomach, as so often is the case regarding my son, is in a knot. I am at a loss. Ever I try to make things change and ever does he insist on keeping things the same.

Yesterday sent me totally over the edge and I'm still not recovered. I felt shell shocked afterwards that he displayed such behavior over such a minor thing. But he wanted it so he was bound and determined to get it and when I said no the games began. I look at other parents who are almost gleeful in making their kids sweat so they can learn a lesson. You did not seem to create me with that gene because all I feel is pain and always I feel like a lousy parent. Sure, I'm compassionate and forgiving and loving and supportive, but that is not enough. I try to set limits to the point where he won't outright rebel. I have disciplined him as a child (though no one would know that now looking at him) growing up. I tried to teach him right from wrong. And he is not a bad kid, but he is totally self absorbed and of this world and has no ambition. The slacker skateboard dude. Arrested development personified at age 18. Who is this child that came from my loins? Why did you give him to me if I am such a lousy parent? Thank God the love is there, the love is there on both parts, but it's bruised and battered on my end a lot of the time. I am so tired. I am begging you. Please help. Show us each the way...

Lent

2008-02-09T11:49:00.001-05:00

Lord, thanks for the learning lesson this morning. Wow is all I can say. And the lesson took me from hopelessness to hopefulness. Left to my own devices I spiral down to the black abyss. Note to self; always hang on to God and He will show me the way. Why do I forget that?

I have never done the whole Lent thing. Did not grow up with it and always thought it was a Catholic ritual. But now attending a Methodist church I understand the intent behind it and I like it. It's a time of self reflection, of discipline and sacrifice. Not that those things "count" in salvation, but certainly they can be good tools on the path of spiritual growth and in addition you know, Lord, I need discipline in my rebellious nature. So thank you for directing me to the book on Lent at the library and I pray that I can take these 40 days to daily dig deeper with You.

Thank you for the transformation of Laura. I know I can't even see it sometimes, but when I look back on the last few years it is humbling and amazing.

Prayers always for my family and for so many who are in such dire need of your comfort and peace around this world where evil lives. Be with us, Father God, through all we must endure. Help us to understand.

Thank you for finding me again.

Laura

Britney

2008-01-31T06:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Father,

I pray for this young woman whose life is spiraling out of control into the depths of an unmanageable and dangerous life. I pray you are with her family, with her doctors, that you will penetrate her mind to see she needs help to lead a normal and healthy life. Be with the doctors that they may help her so she can see a different life for herself. Extend your grace to her and her family. Help her to see you once again, your healing light shining down on her. Forgive any of us who have played a part in her downfall.

Amen.

Help

2008-01-30T07:00:00.000-05:00

Lord, I am too full of compassion and sympathy and understanding for my child I know, yet I am the only one who has even a shred of patience and who can extend grace (unmerited favor) to him. Virtually the only, besides perhaps You, who loves C and can sympathize with some points in his life. Always I feel like an utter failure as a parent when everyone thinks I am so soft because I do understand in some ways. I cannot seem to get to a point where I don't care and be a bitch and be tough and seemingly uncaring to force him as other parents do. I don't know why I am always for the underdog, always seeing that side, always compassionate, but I just am. And it makes me feel very, very alone. A failure that I am not tougher when I just cannot seem to be. My heart completely breaks when I see that his father has so let him down in so many ways. J still occasionally tries to act as a dad "should" do but with such a superficial relationship he can't be hard on C when he's never in his life, doesn't really know about him, has never taken the time and C knows that! B is my husband but when he talks about getting tough with Chris (and I know some of what he says is true) it is so tainted with disgust and void of any love or grace that I immediately become defensive. If we both could talk like two people who loved and wanted to guide him it would help me to be tougher but if you can't stand my child it just changes things and I become the mother bear who is the only (ONLY) one to protect her child.

Maybe I should do as Merry said in her message at the retreat; don't apologize for being how I am, how You made me. Even though ironically it is the opposite of Merry - who is very black and white and has had to be tough with her addict daughter so it is good she was that way - she came to the point where she felt You told her not to apologize for being the way You made her (when she felt she should change because of what others critically said of her). Maybe for me I am the only one for my child who gives him grace (yes, even if he doesn't deserve it).

So, Lord, fill me with your direction, Lord, fill me with your peace.Help me to be stronger where I should be, I beg you. Most of all, change my beautiful boy and bless him with maturity, courage to start his life when things are not perfect, give him understanding of what life is really about. He is so immature in his thoughts and maybe that is partly my fault (forgive me for my part in that, as I know since I've been a single mom I have tried to make up for his dad's lack of love not in material things but in not always drawing a line in the sand towards war in the house). I beg you to help him, Lord. And help me to help him. And help me to accept who I am while still striving to be stronger as a parent.

Be with us in a strong way.

Amen.

The First Gift

2008-01-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

So the first gift, Lord, upon starting the day of the retreat was the sunrise you blessed me with. This image could not show the beautiful reality and the peaceful calm it gave my soul as I quickly took a picture as I walked into church. I knew it would be a wonderful day.

And it was. Oh thank you Lord for all the women who came, how their hearts were warmed and the tears fell by days end, how you were able to work through all of us to enable the women to have a wonderful day set apart, a retreat from the world and enfolded in your arms.

Specifically with Kim and myself and I am so grateful you gave us the words to say. Kim's personal story drew everyone in and it was gratifying to hear my suggestions on deepening their "Garden of Knowledge" seemed to touch many. Thank you for giving us the words and what a privilege that we could be a part of this day along with the many other women who taught and helped.

Thank you, also, that B came and helped the other men serve us lunch. Those types of situations are not always easy for my beautiful husband, but he did it and it went well....and Lord forgive me that in the middle of that Christian setting I just wanted to throw myself at my husband, he looked so good to my eyes. Actually, I take that back. I thank you for that, that the passion still flares beautifully between a wife and a husband.

So grateful, so grateful....

L~

At Last

2008-01-25T10:30:00.001-05:00

Lord, as you know, tomorrow is finally the day of the retreat. The sanctuary and Christian Life Center are blooming with the garden theme. All of our classrooms look glorious with decorations of flowers and gardens - all of your creation. I feel your presence so powerfully through nature that it is a pleasure and a comfort to be around all the colors of the flowers, the greenery, yes even the little silk butterflies. I'm not much of a girly-girl but I find myself smiling looking at it all.

Our devotion and prayer time with the team last night was just beautiful. Did you see us all in circle, holding hands and praying to you? We ask you to remove all pride and expectations and just move powerfully through us. We are hearing more and more that of the 140+ women coming, many are either unchurched or have not been in many years, or even only go on Sunday and do nothing more. Oh, Lord, what an opportunity! Please work through us to show them more of your love and mercy and grace. Help them to thirst for more from what they see and feel and hear tomorrow.

I am so thankful! Lately I just throw my hands in the air, out of nowhere, for "no" reason and say, "Praise you, Lord Jesus! Thank you!"

To your glory, Lord.

L~

Thankful

2008-01-22T09:11:00.000-05:00

Good morning Lord,

Thank you that you worked through Janey at her sister's women's retreat last weekend. The ladies were moved and it was a great day. Was beautiful to see twin sisters who loved each other deeply. We, from St. Johns, as you know Lord, too up an entire pew, including Janey's daughter. At one point we all were sniffling and thank goodness I had brought a full pack of tissues, which went down the entire pew with everyone taking one. It was also so beautiful to see the seeds we sowed last year coming to fruition with their own ladies doing a great job themselves.

Now it is our turn this weekend for the women at our own church. Thank you for working through all of us to inspire the women to be closer to you, to give them a truly special and inspirational day that is set apart for them. I ask specifically for myself as well, that nerves won't get in the way of delivery, that I will remember what I feel you want me to say (I know you will take care of this with whatever words come from my mouth). That truly you will speak through me. Thank you, Father, for this.

I did so well eating at last weekend's retreat, thank you for being with me through that really big challenge. Although I have already lost some weight, I know it will only get harder as time goes on. Please help me to lean on you completely. It's something I need to learn more I know! Please help me to learn what I am supposed to learn through this particular journey.

You have also helped put B’s words to echo many times in my ears lately as I am tempted; this is the year we fight to get healthy. That means a little pain, Laura, and a lot of sacrifice and behavior modification. Although I said I was willing to sacrifice, it’s another thing to actually endure it! So thank you, dear Lord, for being with me and helping me overcome and set my priorities with food the way they should be. I pray that eventually these foods will not have so much of an appeal to me any longer. That would be such a blessing.

Thanks for giving B a great night last night. He so seldom gets out of the house and does something fun. We have spent too little time together and since he still does not feel comfortable to leave C alone overnight, it makes for us sometimes to lead separate lives. You planted the seed that we get away the weekend after next for the whole day. He loved the idea too and we now look forward to it.

So help me get through this weekend. Saturday is the retreat which is the full day, Sunday morning I have to help with the hospitality table early in the morning at church. Help me to have the energy I need to get through it all.

Thank you for all the many, many blessings in my life. Help me to ever move towards You and for me not to just talk about it, but for myself also, to keep tending to my spiritual garden.

Peace!

L~

Slowing it Down

2008-01-16T15:17:00.000-05:00

Thank you for showing me (in my soul and through other people) to slow. it. down. To stay focused on what I know is true and what is working, to not project into the future, not feeling bad about people feeling bad about me (so silly), to not have all the questions answered now. For helping me to give it to you.

So, I keep plodding on and the whole food thing is working in the way that is tailored best for me, and you are there to remind me when I'm tempted that, oh yeah, that would not be best would it? A cup of tea might be better right about now when I have a snack attack mid afternoon. Oh Lord, what would I do without you? There are people dying in this tragic world and people dealing with so much, and yet you still help me with these minor problems (okay, they seem pretty big to me relatively speaking).

Again I ask for you to work through all of us ladies as we do our retreats and our classes. May the women be inspired to move closer to you and enrich their spiritual lives.

Please somehow help to get C. a job so that he realizes the value in good hard work, a paycheck, and start to make a life for himself. He needs humbling I know, and I am scared to pray about that....you know my fears and my weaknesses. Please help me to be a better parent to my son. I am compassionate, we talk much more openly than most parents and kids, but it is hard for me to draw a firm line sometimes. I am so mentally tired when it comes to this and C. will never know how fierce my love is for him. Oh if he only knew. But I know he is yours, Lord, also, so I "lay my Isaac down" to you, Lord. Please work in him a new life.

Hands lifted to you Jesus, in praise and thanksgiving for so much in my life. Bring me ever closer to you. Work through me to others I pray.

Amen

Restore Me

2008-01-10T17:17:00.000-05:00

Lord,

Just when I think I know where you are leading me I find myself in a place, overloaded with too much information, and not sure of what I am to do. That is where I am again after today. And I am so tired I can hardly move at the moment, and somehow feeling really down with the confusion of it all swirling in my head. I seek your direction, your peace, my hand reaching out to you.

Please help me. Help me to know what to do. Because all I really want to do right now is to crawl into a hole and curl up and sleep for a few months to make it all go away. I don't want to be back on that slippery slope, so please, Lord, please come through for me and restore me again.

Tuesday Ramblings

2008-01-08T08:43:00.000-05:00

Good morning Lord,

I feel like all the tall weeds are finally being plowed down so I can see the way you are leading me. Thanks for having me call C. and I pray that when I attend the meeting this Thursday that it will be as good as I feel it should be. I feel more and more confident that this is way for me to go as it seems to just set well with me when I go in that direction. I'm sure it will be hard as I go through the steps and have to surrender ever more, but at least the foundation feels good and it feels like a good fit now. Thank you God after the turmoil it felt like I was going through.

Lord, please soften M's mother's heart after the horrible time they had when M was up north visiting her over Christmas. Help her to let go of her self absorbed bitterness and see what a treasure she has in her daughter who she seems bent on hurting. I pray for reconciliation there.

Thank you for working through K as she prepares to share the speaking in our "garden" at the women's retreat. It sounds like you've truly inspired her (yes, even if it was in the dentist's chair, but you work where you can, right?!). I pray that you will move through K and myself as we speak to the ladies in "The Garden of Knowledge/The Secret Garden". Help me to be able to talk without having to look at my notes too much. That means preparation which I hate but must do. I thank you for all the special ladies who are giving of their time and spirits to put this retreat on for all the ladies of our church and beyond. It's exciting and we are grateful and our hands are lifted to you and pray all will be moved by your Spirit that day.

Thank you that B seems to be in a better frame of mind, that he will return to the men's group tomorrow evening. That's a big step. Continue to transform his mind, dear Lord, and help him to feel connected to others, not just me and his family.

As always I ask (beg) to bestow maturity on my son. I pray he sees the value in getting a job and not being afraid of hard work. I see so much that my words fall on deaf ears. I see him think he can only make it through the gains of money and power and it grieves my entire body and spirit (these things that have always been so foreign to me even when I was away from you). I am mother and father to him and it just feels impossible sometimes. I adore him and see such hope and intelligence and value in his art, yet he can't see it, he has nothing to pull him through, he seems lost and afraid under the guise of machismo. So, please, Lord, please I beg you! Send him someone to help inspire hope and motivation and goals as apparently it is not me who can do it, which I know is often the case with parents and kids. Bring him through, find him, mature him, help him to be productive and understand the true value in you, family and doing the right thing. Hear this mother's prayer!!!

I have been lacking in my quiet time with you (which ironically is what I am speaking about at the women's retreat. Sigh!) and I need to take the time to take the time! Life can be so fractured sometimes as a mother, as a wife, keeping the house, work, church, volunteering and it's essential to take it down a notch. I promise today to take that time and make it a priority.

Help me to always be in a posture of gratitude, appreciation and singing your praises. It puts me in such a better place. It calms me down.

I love you Lord. Thank you for knowing me and loving me and guiding me and letting me rest in your strength.

Amen

Tweaked

2008-01-03T12:25:00.000-05:00

Hi Lord. Me again. It's been another crazy 24 hours regarding this whole diet thing. Good grief, just take me through to the right place and let me get along with the rest of my life, will ya?!

I thought I had made a final decision until I had that other phone call with V. yesterday afternoon. Both A & V kind of using Nazi intimidation tactics. If I don't go to meetings 2 hours away I guess I'm not desperate enough. Um...yeah, I guess so. Maybe my problems, thank you Lord, are not as hard core as some others who need that. I don't know, but luckily you gave B, my beloved husband, to be objective and set me straight and tell me what the best thing is to do was which I immediately agreed with once he said it. Talking with J this morning confirmed it as well.

Still basically going to do what I set out to do with changing my physical health and eliminating things you did not make in this world (all those nasty refined things humans created) and growing and learning on the spiritual side of things. I know S will probably not understand when she finds out, but that is yet another thing I ask you for, Lord. I worry too much about what other people think of me to a ridiculous point, to my own detriment. So help me to set boundaries and not worry about other peoples lives or what they might think of me. It is my life you gave me and help me to only look to you and not others.

Oh, Father God, this cold, cold day in Florida is so very glorious. A strong north wind blowing and a deep blue sky and a sweater on and , good heavens, even socks and slippers on my feet. I love it. Love it! Thank you for this reward after the dog days of summer down here.

I pray to bring me back the peaceful girl I once was. Only you can give me that.

Amen

Thank you!

2008-01-01T20:23:00.000-05:00

So it's the end of day one. I prayed before each meal, "Father please help this to satisfy me. Thank you for the good food, whole grains, green vegetables, protein." I haven't always been good about bowing my head before meals, and this helps me to thank you and and ask you to help me before everything that I eat. I like that.

Not eating between meals was a bit of challenge, you know Lord, because I am the world's best grazer all the day through. I would pride myself that I was not someone who binged, but you know I was just fooling myself in how much really went into this mouth of mine, the games I played with myself that only hurt me (and you too). But I hope to make a good clean turn in all of this. I would not have ever even thought of no sugar and no flour as even an option, but the more you brought it before me, the more I see this could be what I need to clean my body of perhaps what may be an adverse reaction to these things that others may not feel. I would have thought this would be unsustainable, and who knows maybe it will be, but for now I lean on you, Lord. Only with you can this be possible, not leaning on myself as I always have tried to before. So many who have been in this say it's a miracle from God. I'm not even looking for a miracle, just a way to neutralize what food has become in my life. And I give all the glory to you.

So I made it to the end of the day and it's not bad for the first day. No shakiness - because there were no refined flours or sugar in my body to create that. No headaches which I'm so prone to, thank God. But hunger? Um...yeah! But at least it was real hunger for real reasons. And then the meals tasted good and they were satisfying - oh praise you God! I know it's early on and there will be mountains to climb, but this first day has been awesome and much better than I thought it would be. It at least lays a decent foundation on which to build upon.

You also brought A. to me in the phone call who helped me make a good decision of which program to go with. Thank you for that. Since he's been on all the programs I've considered, and has been successful in maintaining over a 100 lb. loss for a couple of years (Just like S. who lost 75 lbs. five years ago), I do believe this organization combines all the necessary steps of mind, body and spiritual soul. At least I hope so as I reach out in faith.

So thank you again, Lord, for this first day of the year. For this first day of transition out of the cocoon of my own making that has created depression, despair, isolation, and the worst thing of all, a separation from you in this part of my life (sin) I have persisted in. It is gluttony, plain and simple.

Your mercies are great and I pray for them to continue. Like manna from heaven I only ask for you to help me one day at a time, and to not look at the whole, big, daunting picture that tends to crush my heart and my hope.

So, as always, dear Lord and friend, thanks for everything.

And thanks for listening too.

L~

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T07:27:00.000-05:00

Father God, thank you for hope in the new year. I think tomorrow is D Day, regardless of which organization I go with, regardless that it's the first day of the year (hate those "new year resolutions" that fall away within weeks) and tomorrow my diet goes clean because I cannot wait any longer. Gulp. Yes. The time is here. Oh Lord have mercy as I dare to believe this will be what helps me become healthier again and neutralizes this idol I have made food into. Help me as I detox away from these foods. Be with me in my decisions moment by moment. Bring me through the fire. Help me (us) in all ways, Lord Jesus. I pray for peace amidst the chaos, a stronger foundation of faith to walk the walk ever closer to you. I am ready to leave 2007 behind, as is my whole family, as it's not been the best year. This new year will be better as you work stronger in our lives. This is the year we get healthier and stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually. We thank you for these blessings so that you can better use us to be your hands and feet.

Happy New Year
Bring it on!

Surrender

2007-12-23T08:06:00.001-05:00

Father,

You know how you have been working on me mightily the past two weeks. I have asked and asked how to surrender more to you, how to loosen a particular stronghold in my life, and when you showed it more clearly to me, what did I do? I squealed like a baby and rebelled as I always have, having no faith that I could do it, rebelling in the discomfort that would follow by doing what I need to do, for having to change so much in ways that scare and frighten me.

But in your patience, you softened my heart, chastened me in the way only a parent can. These turn of events initially tipped my thoughts, mind and soul into tipsy turvy chaos, then came round to resonating deeply. You made me realize that all things about this I will miss (making it into an idol), resent (there are far better things then this), feel are not in my nature (discipline), are all the VERY THINGS I must learn to overcome to be closer to You.

Oh, Lord, I am so grateful that you orchestrated this whole thing, from the first thought in my head to contact someone I hadn't even thought about in years, to using her words to gently, but deeply pierce my soul. Already I sense a deeper surrender than ever before and I know I will only be able to hang onto you through this. But I do feel you leading me to this and so that gives me comfort as I go through your pruning process. No doubt I'll be doing some more squealing, but I rely FULLY on YOUR STRENGTH, not my own, to finally conquer this area of my life. Oh, Lord, may it be so!

I thank you also for the peace you have put within me during this Christmas season. I really just wanted to be close to you, feel your presence around me, not worry about material things, or missing my mother during this time, and you did that for me. B. goes away the day after Christmas and I look forward to that time alone with you and on my own, to prepare for the transition to come.

Be with us through this coming year, dear Lord. I am humbled by all you have done, and continue to do, in my life. I keep my request for my son before you always and persistently, that he, too, will see and accept your grace.

I love you, Father.

Laura

Tuesday

2007-12-04T11:40:00.001-05:00

Good morning, Lord. First let me thank you for working in my son's life, that he came to me about my cutting his money off to force him to get a job, when that very morning I had decided I must be strong and do that very thing. By working in his life you made the situation far less volatile and I am so very grateful for that. Now, to remain strong and for him to actually get a job and have the intent to do so, rather then half heartedly filling out an application here and there. You are working in his life and I thank you for that (why do I ever doubt that? Forgive me when my faith weakens). Please keep him in the palm of your hand. Find him Lord as you found me! May he have eyes to see and ears to hear you, this is my RELENTLESS prayer to you.

Thank you for a wonderful day last Friday visiting with my good friend, B. I realized I have known her for 20 years now! That is a lot for me considering all my moves and and friends I had to leave behind and who eventually lost touch with me. This friendship B. and I fought for during my divorce and we are so grateful that we weathered that storm and now look at us; both of us close to you and sharing our faith with each other. What a blessing!

Thank you for my husband feeling better. I prayed that he would feel your peace, your comfort, and most of all your unconditional love and NO condemnation that Satan often throws his way. To see him this morning, like 20 lbs. had been lifted off his face and shoulders. Oh, thank you Father!

I pray that I will have discernment about the field of transcription work, whether to train for medical transcription (costly and other factors to consider) or to try my hand at general transcription.

As always, I pray for the stronghold of my weight issue. It seems as if you have been placing before me to do a recovery program regarding this. Possibly Celebrate Recovery, possibly OA (gulp), possibly just doing the steps as B, did in the Recovery Bible which I already have. Please help me to know what to do. It is surely unmanageable at this point and perhaps I need help further then myself. I just don't know. It is one failure after another. It seems the more I try to surrender it and give it to you the worse I get and I just do not understand it. Celebrate Recovery's John Baker writes of praying not to drink as he walked into a bar. I can relate as I walk into the kitchen. Give me affirmations and discernment regarding this, please!

Thank you for this glorious cool weather that finally comes through this Florida window, for the gorgeous live Christmas tree I got yesterday which fills the house with warmth and a great smell. Oh keep me in your spirit and close to you this Christmas season.

I love you , Lord Jesus, my Redeemer, my friend.

Amen

So Thankful

2007-11-26T17:23:00.000-05:00

Father, I am so very thankful for the time with my family over Thanksgiving. Especially, earlier in the week, the time spent with my brother from California. Talking late into the wee hours I was clearly able, with passion, to present the Gospel to him in a way he had never really heard it before. You laid on my heart to pray with him, which would be the first time to do so. My first thought was "Awkward!" but as you continually pressed on my heart, you opened my brothers heart as well so that when I asked if he wanted to pray he did not hesitate and said yes. As I prayed for him and his company and his core employees by name, he cried and held my hand. What a powerful time we had with each other and I thank you. I wanted to cry myself when he told me how he did not feel alone any more because he knew you were with him, that he did not fear death because he knew he would be with you. What sweet relief. He attributes this new faith in you to me, but I know it is you and I am SO grateful for this beautiful change in his life. I am only humbled you can use me in this way and I pray for it to continue.

I am grateful to see my nephew T. who is in such a good space now. The last two times I saw him he had been going through such a rough time in his life and did not look well, withdrawn, depressed, out of work. Now he loves his job working at Federal Express and sees a future there, makes good money and is confident again. He is expressing himself creatively through music and plays the electric and acoustic guitars quite well. Thank you , Lord, for keeping him in the palm of your hand and protecting him through this time.

Lord, I pray for G. next door who has joined the Marines. So young, only 18, he will leave in January for boot camp. You know how he is a live wire, Lord, so keep him in your protection and help mature him as I ask you to do my own son.

Thank you for M. having the courage to tell her testimony in church on Sunday through her sermon. How powerfully you worked through her to so many. I was humbled to be a part of her core group during that awful time and be able to give her some comfort, just as she and K have done for me. How humbling it was to hear her as my tears fell along with many around me. How awesome to see you work! So many had their eyes opened to a whole new part of her as those even close to her knew nothing of what was happening and what she has gone through for many years. Those, so easily critical of her in her high staff position at church, had a reality check in a good way and I am so glad you worked through her to teach us all. May God bless her and those around her.

I pray for K's situation with the children they have tried to give a better life. Lord, L & K have done so much for children that are not even theirs. I pray that the kids will be able to stay in these new surroundings and good schools and the parents will not be selfish at this time and put their children first.

As we get closer to Christmas I pray that you keep my heart full and in the right place, focused on you. There are few dollars this year so I won't be worried about "things", but I don't want to miss them either, but to only enjoy this sacred season and feel even closer to you. Sometimes I feel lost without my dear mother at Christmas. I pray I will only feel grateful that I had her as my mother, that she was with me for 30 years, which is far more then so many others.

Thank you for all these things, my wonderful, caring husband and so much more.

Another Year

2007-11-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

Father, today you know another year has passed and I'm getting to the age where I want to start forgetting these remembrances of age! Yet I am so grateful that I have lived this long without major health problems, even being overweight and not always caring how my life has impacted this body you have given me. Forgive me and I pray that I make it more of a priority, especially by age 50 next year (how can that be?!?!).

Thank you for my mother who birthed me, the most wonderful woman in the world, who made every birthday so very special, who was a friend and good adviser, the epitome of goodness, a wonderful role model no matter what she went through. Although she has been gone nearly 17 years, I miss her even more. A great woman you gave to me as my mother. Thank you for the time I had with her. One of the biggest reasons I came back to you was wanting to see her again some day.

Thank you for a great husband. He was so sweet yesterday. We had a great evening, attending the Master Songwriting Class and sitting in the front row (surprise!) listening to one of our favorite recording artists in Tampa. It was magical and a wonderful birthday. That and so much more he gave to me and I am always amazed how well he knows me and how much he loves me despite it all.

Thank your for all who remembered me yesterday and today. Cards, emails, hugs. I feel very loved and cared for and I know you work through all of them to make me feel that way.

I pray to have an even better upcoming year, for you Father, emptying more of myself and letting more of you fill my soul. Help me to reflect your glory, to do your will.

Thank you, Lord, for so much in my life when so many have much less than I. Keep me in the grateful place. Thank you for another year on this earth with my family. Amen

Harvest

2007-10-26T10:15:00.001-04:00

Father,

Thank you for giving me a taste of autumn way down here in the South. For the colors of this season in all the beautiful pumpkins that were spread out before me, for the cooler weather that made it so pleasant to spend my time there.

Thank you for chastening my heart when the three mommies with their babies came. They did not say hello, were not looking for pumpkins, only to take photos of their babies there (OK by me). It was not until you prompted me to go to them and offer to take a picture of all of them together that they softened. And then they surprised me as they left by each donating money to the church without even buying a pumpkin. This is what kindness does.

I pray that as some staff and I meet that there will be a clearing of the air and misunderstandings will be corrected and love will abound again between us all, especially for my dear friend J. There is a place for all of us in leadership and none is better then another. Help us to understand each other.

Bless N. in the sudden loss of her mother yesterday morning. All last year we were praying for her elderly father and now it is her mother who is with you today. Give them comfort and peace, dear Lord.

I am desperate regarding my weight again. I can't seem to learn what you want me to learn regarding this. I find less and less strength to do what I am supposed to be doing. I have given this to you a thousand times but apparently to no avail. And yet, what comes to mind is the Philip Yancey book on prayer that I am reading where over and over it seems unrelenting prayer is what you want. So I continue in this vein and beg you to help me overcome this stronghold in my life.

As always I pray for C., that the glitter of the world fades for him. That he will see you with your arms open so clearly and he will run to you. I pray he finds work (even if he only submits apps to please me!) and that he sees there is a whole life out there for outside these four walls of home.

Help me to understand and love you more. Forgive my doubts and failings. Thank you for all the beauty in this world, amidst the chaos. There is always you. You will never leave us or forsake us.

Sunday Morning Thanks

2007-10-14T10:49:00.001-04:00

Thank you for the little pleasures of life like the first cup of java in the morning in my lovely cup and saucer.

Thank you for an excellent pastor who is passionate for you and many in church I have come to love.

Thank you that C. is off with his dad today surfing. J. does not make C. a priority in his life and spends so little time with his son so I am always glad when they have the day together and I know you agree with me there. It's so important. And, yes, it makes for a nice, peaceful day in the house.

Thank you for being the driving force in my life, for showing me so much, for humbling me in many ways. To God be the glory.

Tuesday

2007-10-09T09:34:00.001-04:00

Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me last night when I was the table leader at the Bible study. I had burdens on my heart, but you were able to help me through. More so I am grateful that afterwards B and I were able to talk in such a way that cleared the air, had us see things in the proper perspective, that we reunited in a strong way.

I know you heard C declare yesterday that he was an agnostic and my heart sagged that he had made a choice whereas up to now he was undecided. He says he is open to Christianity but cannot see it is true. He says he has asked you to reveal yourself to him for years and you have done nothing. I silently prayed to give me the words to say to him. I told him you are all around him if he would just look in a different way, but I understand at his age he wants to "see" you to believe you. I, too, have begged for you to reveal yourself in such a way he could not deny you, and while he is still open to you (I am so afraid he will close that door completely). I don't understand, Lord, why you can't make yourself more apparent to him. I have to trust your ways but it is so hard. Please hear this mother pray for her son, that he will know, love, trust and accept you. At least he believes there is something that created us. He sees nothing but Christians and "religious" man made rules and what can I say? He's right in much of what he says and sees. Too many professed Christians doing things that repel people away from you and your salvation. It makes me heartsick. I was once there also. But if you brought me back to you I trust you will with C also. So, I calmly relayed my beliefs, told him not to look at man or even church, but to you alone and to keep seeking. Oh, God, may it be so.

Thank you for giving me the wise decision not to take on yet another position with a church opportunity. Though I am flattered to be asked to be in the position I realize it is not the right thing for me and I only have so much strength for things these days. As Merry's words often come to my mind, "every opportunity is not a calling". I will concentrate on the things I have a passion for.

I ask you to bless the devotional book we will soon be printing. I feel more responsible than anyone because I edited it, put it together, chose the art and the online publication source. So many have asked about it and I pray that they will not be disappointed, that it will be a great fund raiser for many charities to your glory, Lord.

Thank you for the strength and hope I have asked for. Get us through these trials by fire right now. C has a place he thinks he might want to work at and I told him no $$ until you apply for a job there. Please, Lord, get him on his feet and moving forward in his life and help me to be encouraging but strong with him.

Humble my heart, Lord, release my pride in the areas of my body images and others (you know what they are). Thank you that I started a food diary yet again. You know I find them endlessly tedious in time, but I hope this will be a new start that can last. Help me to get more exercise then I have, to be mindful of all food choices during the day.

Help me always to be grateful for all you have given me.

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

2007-10-07T11:26:00.001-04:00

Father, the peace and hope we felt here in the morning was so fleeting. By nights end we were in tears. Please restore to us Your peace, Your hope, Your strength. Lift the heavy cloak from around B. and let his heart be free and hopeful. Forgive us what we do to each other and help us to remember our love and our future.

Thankful

2007-10-04T10:45:00.000-04:00

Lord, I'm thankful for a couple of peaceful days. No drama. Time to renew my strength and see the light again. The tattered and frayed edges are mending a bit.

I pray that Chris arises today with a drive to move forward in his life. Bestow upon him maturity, Lord. I pray that Ben has a good day and sees hope in our future together where we can live north again one day. I pray for M. in the loss of her mother and all that follows a death. Help us, her sisters in Christ, to be able to provide whatever she needs emotionally and physically. I pray in thankfulness for J. who is 6 months clean today. May time create a firm foundation away from that lifestyle. I pray for K.C. in need of healing. I pray in praise for healing of D.P. and I pray for Pastor K. who is such a blessing to our church, but who is trying in many ways of his life to grow.

I ask you to help me as I prepare for the class I am giving at the women's retreat in January. I so want the women to want to seek a deeper relationship with you, to create quiet time so you can speak to their hearts, to create their "secret garden" with you. Please give me the words to say, use me as you will, to convey this to my sisters.

You were with me yesterday when I stepped on the scale and my heart sunk in desperation and battled going to that dark place all day. Thank you that you helped me not go there and pointed me to the small and better steps toward a better life (at least I hope so - can't you hear me begging?!?!). One day, one meal, at a time. Please, I pray, you help me to get where I have wanted to be for so very long. Balance. Balance. Somehow with your help, more then I've ever needed it before.

Thank you for helping me be more disciplined in many areas of my life. You know all of those areas I have such a hard time surrendering to you. Create in me a new heart and a new understanding.

I long for a dog, but it's not the right time, so thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who are filled with unconditional love and who are such a part of me and my life. Thank you for their quirky spirits and how they come running to my voice and wind through my legs purring. We don't know if pets go to heaven but I am hoping you'll find a place for our beloved friends.

So, here I go on with the rest of my day. Be with me in thought, spirit and words.

Amen.

Beautiful Son (who ages me in dog years)

2007-10-04T10:30:00.001-04:00

Tired

2007-10-02T12:42:00.001-04:00

Dear Lord,
I am seriously tired this morning and need renewal in mind, body and spirit. I thank You that You provided me with strength and calm yesterday as I handled the problem with Chris. He was so angry with me, as angry as I've ever seen him, and he was threatening too, but I got him out of his room and I got him talking and two hours later we even had a little laugh as I told him, c'mon, unlock your door or you'll make your old mom worry even more. Let my words, which seem like they fall on deaf ears, trickle down into his soul and germinate there.

Oh Father, please, with every fiber in me, reveal yourself to my son who is of the world so totally, who buys into what the world has to offer and cannot see You even though you are there. Please open his eyes, his ears, his heart to You. Please, reveal Yourself to him in such a way that he cannot resist You. Hear me being bold to pray he becomes a warrior for You and that he will be in Your Kingdom with me (else how can I possibly be happy there?).

Abba, Father, help me to be more disciplined with food and not to use it as comfort and in anger in times of stress that are so often these days. Help me to eat as You intended us to eat, whole foods, smaller portions, lots of veggies. Help me to lose my desire for that which is not good for my body. Help me to be kind to myself and to end this war with my body that has lasted well beyond a decade. I can't change myself (though Lord knows I've tried), only You can. I rely on You and stand in Your shadow for strength.

Thank You for Your strength which I am in vast need of this day. Thank you that You arranged an easy day for me so I can get the rest I need. Thank You that I had that time, sitting on the couch with You, as the rain sounded like a babbling brook this morning, and I just rested in You.

I love you, Lord. Increase my faith, strength and wisdom. For Your glory.

Amen.

My Secret Garden of Prayer

2007-09-30T11:24:00.000-04:00

Dear Father,

Help me to be a strong parent for what I have to do this afternoon with my son. It is easy for me to be merciful and forgiving, but difficult to draw a hard line. Prepare my son's heart with understanding and not defiance. Keep me strong and may it not further pain me as I am already worn and fragile. You give me the strength I need always.

I pray also that Ben will find some good in Chris, dear Lord. Please unite us somehow, some way in terms of the three of us. I love them both deeply, but they are killing me with their lack of understanding of each other.

Thank you for autumn starting to smile upon us, even faintly here in Florida. Give us all hope, inspiration, strength and love.

Help me to remember I am a friend of the Father, a daughter of the King. Amen.