Thankful

Lord, I am so thankful today. I am thankful that I am thankful today! I have found some new sisters in Christ online, who have been sharing a particular journey with me. One just prayed for me via email and it was a beautiful prayer which said:

Lord, fill Laura with YOU. I know that as she knows YOU more (the power of Your presence, love and grace) she will trust YOU more. As she does that YOU will guide her thinking and her behavior. Thank You, God, that You do not judge us on our behavior, that Christ has already taken care of this on the cross, and that the only thing that you require of us is belief. give her your Spirit of grace towards herself, knowing that if You don't condemn us, then neither should we condemn ourselves. Praise you, Lord!

May it be so, Lord, MAY IT BE SO!

Scared

God expects discipline.

Fruits of the Spirit.

Yet.

I know only He can transform me

to make it a joyful obedience

to make it worth anything.

So where does the discipline

come into play?

Where does faith and obedience meet?

Where does one begin and the other end?

Where do they co-exist?

I don't know.

That's my question

and I'm scared and confused

in the in between.

Help me.

Lent Descends

Praying for transformation, Lord. I want this season of Lent to truly resonate within me in such a way to move me deeply and ever closer to You, that the world pales in comparison and the fears and worries go with it.

You have done so much for me, so many blessings, and many incredible changes that I can't even believe. But it's nowhere near where I should be and I know that. Thank You for Your grace, your mercy, your love raining down on me always.

Blown Away

Dear Lord in Heaven,

I am so blown away this morning at the blessings you cast down upon me last weekend. I feel so humbled at the astounding comments on my class. I wanted to relay my passion, my understanding, my love and desire to inspire the women to want to take another step in their walk with You, to understand You more, to truly try to "Love God with all their minds". I am so gratified by the response and continuing phone calls of women who wanted titles, who were interested in the study Bibles I had brought, who cried with me afterward.

And the best blessing of all was after church on Sunday, when You spoke to Sharon, who felt compelled to come over to me and say, "God impressed me to tell you , that as I saw you on Saturday, and at a very quiet and unassuming time, that it was so apparent and clear how much you love God." It brought me immediately to tears because just 5 years ago I sat at my dining room table and young Grant from next door saw me with a Bible beside me and was totally surprised and shocked that I even was a Christian, so lacking was it within me that no one could see it. It was a pivotal point for me I will never forget, that I knew things must change if no one could see I loved or even knew God. And now to have Sharon come up to me saying this was just breathtaking to me.

Thank you Lord, thank you Lord.

God is Good

Thank you for ending the class on such a fun, spirited and engaging way last night. We learned, we laughed we, discussed - all as I had hoped it would be when I took this on.

All the women had a new understanding, their interest piqued, perhaps seeing You and these unnamed women in the Bible in a different way and also deciphering some difficult Scripture regarding women in general.

And despite how the culture treated women, they stood in faith and courage in unbelievable ways and from them we are inspired ourselves. We see that you oh Lord, have continued to value us, use us for Your glory.

Thank You!

November

It's been a long, dark summer for me, Lord, but I am finally seeing the light again and the weight feels lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for helping me and not only holding my hand but leading me back to the light again.

Thank you that Chris passed his GED (with even exceedingly high scores!) and even worked with Jeff for a while (and liked it!). I pray now that he continues on with his life and finds a job he likes, that he continues his struggle with you. Yes all those questions in his agnostic mind. Keep asking! Don't give up! He asks to see you and I ask that you reveal yourself to him and yet...yet...I have to have faith you will find him. Find him, Lord!!!

I thank you for the time away with Ben at the cabin, on the canoe, in the wilderness, in your nature where my heart is always filled. Thank you that we reconnected in a big, beautiful way. That we have hope and another layer of foundation in our marriage.

I thank you for the class I have been leading that is nearly at its end. Oh Lord, I was so unsure that I should even teach it in the mood I was in, but you knew better, knew it would help me get back in your Word, help me get outside of myself, out back in the world and amongst friends and new people. I am so grateful.

Finally it fall - or as fall as Florida gets - and oh the skies are deeper and the air is dryer and many times I have been able to throw open the windows and let the cool winds come in and clear the cobwebs out after 9 months of air conditioning and filtered air. I can't wait to run in heaven in all the splendors of nature! I know there is no evidence to prove it, but I surely hope all my old beloved pets will be frolicking with me. Oh what a happy time that would be!

I pray for our new president elect, and also for all who opposed him becoming president. May we all, somehow, come together out of compassion and love for one another. Let us show the world we are not the stereotype so many display in your name. Help us to show and reflect your light, not try to pound it into people's heads with self righteousness.

Oh Lord help us to be merciful, full of light, compassionate and faithful.

For this and so much more I close this prayer this day.

In Your Name I Pray,

Amen

More Thanks

Thank you, Lord, thank you for being with me through this journey that is so different this time. Thanks for placing those around me to help. Fifteen pounds gone and counting!!

I pray for B. with her missing niece in Pakistan and that whole family as she and the baby are gone. Please have T. get in touch with them.

Guide and direct Ben and I as we explore the painful process of looking at other churches.

Be with C. as he takes his GED the next couple of days. If it is your will I pray he passes it the first time so he can get on with his life.

Reveal yourself to me further to me, dear Father...

And could you answer the question about pets in heaven, please?!!

Laura

There are reasons somewhere for tragedies
though we will not understand many of them this side of eternity
but we hang on to You anyway, Lord, as you come to us in our grief
I see these families; you have brought them to their knees
they are raw and shaken by what You have allowed
Somehow through their tragedies we see the firm foundations they have built
bringing tears to our eyes as we see blessings, grace, mercy, compassion
They still believe, despite it all, even so, they still believe
Their faith speaks volumes, adds to our own foundations
I pray there be
blessings of comfort and peace
rays of hope shining down in moments
the "crumbs of life"
for all of us
leading to the gory of You

June 27, 2008

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

Wow, Lord, I knew changes were coming, but I did not realize how far reaching they would be, sweeping across most all of my life! Yowza!

Father I thank you for opening my eyes the last few weeks and realizing I have now entered a new season in my life. I am withdrawing a bit from all the church activities and concentrating on You, on my husband, and I am realizing it's not so selfish to take care of myself. I may not be number one on the list, but I've definitely pushed myself up a few notches.

After that hurtful email I cried out to you as I felt so alone. I did indeed hear you say, "Come to me" in an almost audible voice. I took it seriously and now I see it wasn't just for that but for many things in my life. Come to me directly. There is a time and a place for classes and talking to fellow sisters in Christ. And then there is the time to go directly to You. To lean more on You. To strengthen my faith in You.

And when I sought You in Your Word there was nothing but confirmation there, sending me to Isaiah, it blew my mind that it underlined indeed I should be taking this posture. Ben seems to be in wonder about it, but is grateful as I think I was starting to create a separation with all the things I was involved with. So silly , Lord, because as you know, I have always preached (in a prideful way) that I was against this very thing, that I am not a Martha (shouting to the rooftops), oh no indeed, I am a Mary! Ha! how you help us eat our words and humble the prideful.

Lord, THANK YOU, for putting Kathy's name in my mind to tutor Chris for his GED. And THANK YOU that he consented. Now I ask that they get along well together (though I could not think of a better match) and that Chris will take advantage of this opportunity and open himself up because Kathy could very definitely rub off well in so many wonderful ways on him, including showing Your face to him. I am literally the only adult who encourages my son and I have been asking You send someone else that isn't just "mom". Thank You for laying this before him.

You have made me SO see that I have much to learn about my pride. Not that I didn't know about this before and have laid it before You in the past, but - whew - how far reaching it is in my life - even to accepting people to help me lose weight and get my health under control

And speaking of my health - how wonderful to start gaining energy already, and to be sleeping better is beyond great. Thank You! Oh it feels soooo slow, but You are with me all the way.

I love you, Lord Jesus.

Thank You for all you have done and continue to do in our lives.

Amen

Tim Russert

Lord, you know what a good and fair man Tim was in this volatile political climate. I enjoyed his human take on politics in an unbiased manner, his love of family and faith that he never lost as he grew more successful, his big smile and sense of humor that never was far in any given situation.

We don't know, Lord, why you took him, especially in a year when many could have used his wise words, but we hope he is now basking in the wonders of Your glory.

One thing I do know is that it is surely a learning lesson in caring for one's health and how I must focus on taking care of myself no matter what more than I ever have before. As I am now on an active diet and exercise plan I can sometimes whine and complain about it, but this gives me a wakeup call why it is so important to do what I am doing and with fervor.

Be with his wife, his young son, his father as they grieve the loss of a good man.

Thankful

I know the road is hard ahead, but I am amazed how you have opened the path before me, prepared the people around me, given me so many possibilities that it astounds me at the moment. I dare to hope. I dare to believe things can change; more specifically that I can change. There are pitfalls and many challenges ahead. But this time I am ready to fight for my life and you have given me a helicopter, rowboat and safety net so clearly that I would be a fool not to see it. I don't know why you find me deserving (even though I have prayed for your mercy here for years!) with so many who have not had this chance, but I am so grateful, Father, so appreciative how you have worked this out so perfectly. Oh how wonderful it is to see your hand in this and how you carefully laid things out as they should be when the time was right. You sent people who you knew would understand the complexities of who I am, who have told me they will believe until I can see it myself, who have been where I am now, who want to help me. Thank you. Thank you. Be with me on this long and arduous journey but help me to remember you are always by my side, ever present, that I can do all things through you who saved me, that I will get on my knees every morning and not forget you are the one who orchestrated this, who worked through the people and arranged the scenario I could never have even dreamed of.

I can do this. I will do this.

The Lighted Path

Lord,
I do feel as if you have lit the path before me clearly. The long stretch of waiting and wondering feel as if they are coming to an end and I am astounded how things seem to be working out. Of course they come with fears of their own, but Father! How you have set in place, seemingly, a team of people who can help me, and in addition the chance to write, and even better, perhaps a way to help other women along the way who struggle with these same things. I am awestruck and overwhelmed. Please be with me as I go through this journey. It will be long and I'm sure full of pitfalls that this time I hope to finally overcome with the help you are placing around me. Thank you Lord.

Thanks also for a great trip to California; intense, productive and a great time with my brother. You have used him to be so instrumental in this new journey as well and I grateful! As much as he knows you, I see how so very far he has to go to have the peace and understanding I have had the luxury to gain by your grace and the many studies I have taken which has helped me understand you further. You have graced him with so much brilliance it is hard for him to understand it all, as it has always been all his life he searches for his purpose in you even though he has had incredible worldly success, known by many, yet he still feels scared. Still wonders in confusion at time. Happiness has always been an elusive thing in our family. I pray we find it in completeness with you and that we continue moving forward towards it until we do so or you take us home.

Ben is in a tough place once again. Feeling like he's not fitting in which has plagued him all his life. Oh Lord, pry open his heart more fully. You and I know how deep that goes within him in such incredible ways. Let the love more fully flow in and out. I pray he allows you to guide him, that he allows himself to feel your peace, acceptance, complete love, that he will realize you do not condemn and judge him as he does himself, that he value himself as you (and I) do. Ignite his passion again, get him through this time. Comfort and encourage him and give me the right words to say that can in some way help him through. Send him someone he can relate to outside this home. He is the love of my life and he has so much to give that he can't see himself. Show him, Lord. And give him strength until he sees it himself.

Be with Chris. Be in Chris. Push him forward into a better life with you and give him more meaning in life than what he has. There is so much more! I pray people will not give up on him and will extend grace to him as you have, as unmerited as he deserves it.

Forgive me when I spend too little time with you. Forgive me my pride and when I am a hypocrite in my faith. Help me to be all that you want me to be. Help me to be a vessel for you, as fragile as I am in ways, and to reflect who you are to others. Forgive my weaknesses, my lack of faith, my abusing this temple as I have. I pray you can move me forward in these areas so I can be more of what you want me to be and go where I need to go. Help me to be fearless and to have the inner strength to fight in the many areas I need to, but with grace and love and dignity.

Help me to always remember I am a child of the king, no matter what others think of me.

Oh yeah - and thanks for the rain we had. Our grass was like straw no matter how we tried to water it, so the soaking 24 hour rain was a gift. Be with us as we enter hurricane season in a few days as well. Oh Lord, so many calamities all over the world I feel guilty for even asking you anything. Be with all those who are in such dire need of you.

All these things I ask according to your will.

Amen

Surrender

So I'm trying hard to be at that point of surrender, Lord. I have felt a change coming in my life for some time now, and it is as if I am finally at the bend where it really is going to happen. Please be with me through the changes and decisions ahead. It's exciting and daunting at the same time and I try to stay in a state of surrender, but boy is that hard at times.

Thank you for the possibility of help in restoring my health to the way it should be. A lot, if not most, will be in my hands and after constant failure in this area for years it's scary to have hope, but I know it is your will for me to do so and I must lean on you all the more.

I am so excited about the possibility of a writing venture with my brother. Please be with me as I go through this process. What a blessing!

Thank you for working through me as I wrote and debated Pastor K through email. He thanked me for the "theological exercise", said I had done a great job and called me a theologian! Imagine that. I replied that was the best compliment I had received all day! But really, you gave me the words to say (from your very Word!) that helped him to understand things in a different way from my point of view and he didn't refute it! I am grateful for that, as well as strengthening my thoughts on the matter that you helped point me to.

Be with me as I travel to Los Angeles next week. My brother is hungry to hear of you and my being his only spiritual feed puts pressure on me to say the right thing, so I lay it at your feet. You have already worked great things in him for you the past couple of years and I just want to raise my hands and say "hallelujah"! I pray the trip will be good time together for many reasons, but mostly for that. If you can use me to get him closer to you than it would be answered prayer indeed.

I pray for the thought that entered into my mind about the new half way house for girls who need someone to help with Bible studies on Sunday nights. Having a bit of experience in this now which seems to be going well, there was a catch in my heart (from me or from you?) that maybe I could do this for teenage girls. Of course in the next nano-second I thought "No, I couldn't handle that." and I do wonder if I am ready to give a study with unbelievers or perhaps even young girls who don't really want to be there. And yet. And yet.... I so want to get outside of the church walls. I don't want to always only be preaching to the choir, you know? You told us to go out in the community. It's the Great Commission, but I've been (am) so scared sometimes. So please help me to be discerning here.

I pray you make a way for Ben to find a Christian school near his job so that he can go back to school and study about YOU! Talk about a theologian - he would be such a good candidate for that and he has such a yearning to learn about you and your word. I pray if it is your will you will make it so for him.

As always I pray for my son, that you will mature him, reveal yourself to him, that he will find his identity in you and not of this world where he continually looks for validation. Oh I pray for my son, Christopher, to see you and life and his family in a new and different way. Lift the veil, Lord!! And at the same time I am so grateful for all the good things about him, that you gave him caution that has stopped him so many times from doing things he should not, that we communicate, that he has a good sense of humor. Oh, if only he had eyes for you as well. But surely our many conversation will help plant the seeds which will be harvested for you in time. I keep telling him to continue to ask the big and hard questions. You're big enough to take them! So please give him an answer, Father. Oh how I pray that this is so.

One more little thing. Or should I say two. Though I pine to be in a place where I can have dogs again, I sure do thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who have been constant friends and companions for over a decade. Georgie will be 13 this month by the grace of you, and they add such measure and meaning to my life. Thank you that they are still in good health.

And all God's people said.

Amen.

Decisions

Lord,

There are some interesting and hopeful decisions to be made on the horizon which I am very grateful for. Please help me to be discerning, and not go by my emotions and reactions which can get this woman into trouble. Give me the strength that can only come from you to finally get to the end of this stronghold (or whatever it is!) in my life. And as I negotiate the highways and byways of this world, please protect me and give me sound judgment and wisdom.

Thank you so much for helping me in leading this Bible study. Thus far, even with a rotten cold, the studies have gone well, the discussions bright and lively and interesting. Being a leader forces you to learn more and I love that because, as you know dear Father, I tend to be a slacker and a skimmer at times (it's this hard wired laid back attitude you gave me!). But there has been some great feedback thus far which can only lead me to believe you are in fact able to work through this weak vessel. Praise God for that!

Give Merry the strength (after speaking all weekend at another women's retreat) to give the message today before Pastor Kent gets back. I see you working in her life way beyond the church and I can only hope I can do the same at some point.

I hear there is one more cool front pushing into hot and humid Florida and Lord you know I am grateful for relief from being ever "moist" with any movement whatsoever.

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

Amen.

Beth Moore Live!

What an absolutely amazing weekend! Lord I thank you for Beth Moore and for working through her and her staff in a mighty, MIGHTY way to me and to so many others the last 24 hours. She is an incredible witness and instrument for you. She illuminates the Bible, she inspires passion, she challenges us to be all we can be in You, instills deep desire to be closer to You, Jesus. Tears of joy, praise, conviction, humbleness at your amazing grace. To also be in the presence of so many Believers as the Holy Spirit blew like a mighty wind. Awesome indeed. A fresh word was what she wanted to give us and indeed she did.

Thank you also for the time spent with my 12 friends who I shared the trip with. Thank you for your traveling mercies as I drove us the many hours up and back.

I am still filled to the top!

On This Easter Day...

I am overflowing
at the thought
of your sacrifice
at your humbling grace
and never ceasing love
for each and every one of us
whether our faces are turned to you
or not
we are loved unendingly

Day of Rest

Lord, I think of you today - the Sabbath day you rested in the tomb. I can imagine all was very quiet and drawn that day. Sadness loomed, feeling oppressive. Perhaps confusion was abounding as well and a terrible sense of emptiness.

Oh the contrast of what would be tomorrow. Oh how the angels would sing at the glory of your rising from death. How the weight of sadness would be transformed into utter and complete joy when those who walked with you would see you again! I can't wait to talk with them one day, to hear it face to face, to hear the amazing stories about that first Easter morning.

And so until then, Lord, my heart fills with warmth and gladness, undeserved thankfulness at your ultimate sacrifice for all of us, for the hope of someday reaching our real home with you as we walk through this often dark country far away from that place. Yet, you are here with us. Living, breathing and guiding us through the joys and sorrows on earth. How grateful I am to you as I shake my head in wonder at your love for us...

I bow to you and only you, Lord Jesus!

Thank you.

Saturday Morning

Lord I do thank you that the results of my tests came back so clear. "Excellent" is what the doctor kept saying as we went through the blood tests, the liver. No diabetes (I knew about the hypoglycemia already), no heart disease. My thyroid fine on the level of meds I take. Only a couple of minor, seemingly inconsequential things found. I thank you that you gave me parents who cared about what they fed their kids and that they didn't raise us on Cocoa Puffs and Pop Tarts and soda, but made sure we ate a mostly vegetarian diet, whole grains, good food. I'm sure that is what has helped me have such clean blood, liver and urine at this point.

Again, I am thankful, and yet you know I'm frustrated too. I have to admit, confess, that although I didn't want anything to be really "wrong", that perhaps there could be something that could explain why it is so hard for me to lose weight. It seems when I diet what others lose on I only maintain on, meaning I have to eat half as much and exercise twice as much as everyone else to budge the scales or so it seems (and to others as well). And then if I'm lucky I will lose for 3 or 4 months and then it just stops. Stops! Doesn't feel like a plateau, it feels like I hit a brick wall. That is so hard for me to keep going on what seems like so little food and so much sacrifice.

I know, drivel, drivel, whine, whine. But, Lord, you gotta know I'm frustrated. I was hoping there was an answer to that but perhaps it was how you genetically made me and I have to keep trying until I find the right answer for me. It is so tiring, Lord. You know how exhausted (not just tired, but exhausted) I get now. Such a viscous circle it puts a person in when they get heavy. So what do I pray for? I guess complete obedience regarding this? Um, maybe not that. Perhaps a change of heart and mind and an attitude adjustment towards food and my situation I suppose. So, Lord, I pray for that and for whatever I am supposed to learn and understand regarding this particular journey of my life.

Oh, I am so truly grateful for the lectures on Paul I have been hearing on that long drive to and from the doctors. Also for the Dallas Willard book that is just so amazing and exciting to read. Over and over again I see that you want a living, breathing, intimate relationship of faith with us, not the rules, the regs, the legalism that humans want to place into "religion". I see how Abraham, who had none of those instructions you later gave, had complete and utter faith in you and that is what made him righteous! Oh Lord how I love that and attain to that myself. And I thank you that I am so filled with passion over this and other things as I start the new Bible study soon. It is only by learning and studying that we start to comprehend the overall picture you want for us. It really is incredibly exciting.

Thanks for last night, when the Women's Ministry met for dinner. Again, puts a smile on my face to see how many were touched in the community and outside of our church, and already we are putting our prayers and thoughts into next year's retreat. Thank you Father God for all of this!

So, on I go. As always, I lay my son before you (I "lay my Isaac down"), my marriage, my life.

Laura

State of Health

Dear Lord,

Thank you for so much for all that I have. Help me to be ever grateful of what you have done in my life and all you have given me. Help me to always do the right thing no matter the cost.

Be with my doctor tomorrow as he reviews all the tests I have undergone the last month of my heart, my thyroid, my blood sugar, etc. Give him the wisdom to diagnose me correctly. And please, Lord, be with me as I hear the news. Help me retain it, ask the right questions, and most importantly (and what I have the hardest time with), help me to be able to change my life permanently in the way I need to based upon the results I receive. I so pray this will help give me a better game plan for my health, curtailed to the findings.

Thank you for the long conversation with my son about You, Christianity and faith. Forgive his immature ideas and lack of knowledge. I ask you to honor his searching in all these areas and I pray again for you to reveal yourself to him and that he will be saved into your kingdom. Help me to be a better witness. With all the knowledge I have gleaned over the past few years I was so grateful for it so I could teach him about your promises, redemption, Christian history, how the Muslim nation began with Ishmael. I could see he was truly listening to that and was impressed that was foretold and happened in the Bible. Bring him to you, Lord Jesus! As I always pray, give him eyes to see and ears to hear and to make a decision for you.

I pray you will be with me as I lead the Beth Moore study in two weeks on Paul. I pray you work through and give me the discipline, wisdom and words to help the ladies who will be attending. I pray for the hearts of all who will attend or are thinking of attending, that we all will be inspired as we see the Bible and Paul illuminated in a way perhaps we've never known before through the gift you have given Beth Moore.

I pray for all those in need. May they seek you, find you, feel your strength and comfort always.

In your precious name I pray,

Amen.

Anointing

Father, I hope that what I did was right when I anointed our home with oil today. Before I started, as I closed my prayer with the words, "In Jesus name", was that You in the sunshine that suddenly came out and flooded the room so that even with my eyes closed I noticed? So perfectly timed it was...

After our Sunday school teacher informed us that he had done the same, it just seemed like it was the right thing to do at our home. You know I've never really done anything like that before, except in my old New Age days (which made me feel weird), so I do pray you will honor my intentions in doing so now. I know it is merely a symbol, but I prayed my way around the house outside, anointing every door and window, and then inside the house doing the same, especially in Chris' room, praying the Holy Spirit would be through the whole house, that evil could not live or remain here.

May it be so, Lord, may it be so.

Thank you for answered prayer yesterday. I was up at the alter praying for C and B's hearts to be warmed toward each other during the church service and by lunch B started to talk about how maybe we could start praying together for C, that he wanted to work with me, that the wall of unforgiveness was not working. Little did I know he had read this very blog about how alone I felt regarding parenting, why I couldn't go to him. It is strange how You worked through my own words, unbeknown to me, to help him see things in a different way. Just by knowing he would want to pray for C together shows me his heart is warmer. Right there at the restaurant the tears just started to slip out I was so thankful. We have wanted to pray together for some time and always stumbled and stopped. Now we are going to try to recommit to that important part of our marriage.

During the service yesterday there was a marriage renewal ceremony for those in the church that wanted to do so. A great many couples went forward including K and her husband. K is battling, what seems to be a courageous but losing battle with cancer. She is stick thin and walked painfully to the front. Everyone who saw her was so struck to the core that this could possibly be their last year together even though they are only in their 40's and have teenage children. It was heartbreaking to hear "Until death do us part" knowing theirs could be much too soon. They cried. We cried. God bless them, Lord. Keep them in the palm of Your hand. Grant them strength, comfort and peace.

God bless our Sunday School teacher, B, who made the tough decision to stop teaching our class in lieu of furthering his evangelism with kids. It is the right decision even though we will surely miss his insight, knowledge and instruction. It was not a big surprise to hear he had decided this and when I think of all the kids he will bring to You, then how could we not let him go in kindness? So please bless him in this venture.

Thank you for a good week ahead. Thank you that the new integrative doctor will accurately diagnose me. Bless the people who will perform the ultra sound on my thyroid and may all the other tests have no mistakes to alter the findings. Guide me, direct me and all the professionals as well regarding what I should do. Only You know if this is what will help me in losing weight, lessening the headaches, etc.

Help us to be ever closer to you, Lord. Help us to be who you want us to be.

I love you,

Laura

Worry/Fear/Stress

Lord, you know what's killing me right now. You saw and heard me on my knees at 5:30 am petitioning you because I could no longer sleep. I read Proverbs and it only made me feel lousy. Help me get through this. Help me to be stronger. Give me a new way that may penetrate. Help me to have peace because my stomach, as so often is the case regarding my son, is in a knot. I am at a loss. Ever I try to make things change and ever does he insist on keeping things the same.

Yesterday sent me totally over the edge and I'm still not recovered. I felt shell shocked afterwards that he displayed such behavior over such a minor thing. But he wanted it so he was bound and determined to get it and when I said no the games began. I look at other parents who are almost gleeful in making their kids sweat so they can learn a lesson. You did not seem to create me with that gene because all I feel is pain and always I feel like a lousy parent. Sure, I'm compassionate and forgiving and loving and supportive, but that is not enough. I try to set limits to the point where he won't outright rebel. I have disciplined him as a child (though no one would know that now looking at him) growing up. I tried to teach him right from wrong. And he is not a bad kid, but he is totally self absorbed and of this world and has no ambition. The slacker skateboard dude. Arrested development personified at age 18. Who is this child that came from my loins? Why did you give him to me if I am such a lousy parent? Thank God the love is there, the love is there on both parts, but it's bruised and battered on my end a lot of the time. I am so tired. I am begging you. Please help. Show us each the way...

Lent

Lord, thanks for the learning lesson this morning. Wow is all I can say. And the lesson took me from hopelessness to hopefulness. Left to my own devices I spiral down to the black abyss. Note to self; always hang on to God and He will show me the way. Why do I forget that?

I have never done the whole Lent thing. Did not grow up with it and always thought it was a Catholic ritual. But now attending a Methodist church I understand the intent behind it and I like it. It's a time of self reflection, of discipline and sacrifice. Not that those things "count" in salvation, but certainly they can be good tools on the path of spiritual growth and in addition you know, Lord, I need discipline in my rebellious nature. So thank you for directing me to the book on Lent at the library and I pray that I can take these 40 days to daily dig deeper with You.

Thank you for the transformation of Laura. I know I can't even see it sometimes, but when I look back on the last few years it is humbling and amazing.

Prayers always for my family and for so many who are in such dire need of your comfort and peace around this world where evil lives. Be with us, Father God, through all we must endure. Help us to understand.

Thank you for finding me again.

Laura

Britney

Dear Father,

I pray for this young woman whose life is spiraling out of control into the depths of an unmanageable and dangerous life. I pray you are with her family, with her doctors, that you will penetrate her mind to see she needs help to lead a normal and healthy life. Be with the doctors that they may help her so she can see a different life for herself. Extend your grace to her and her family. Help her to see you once again, your healing light shining down on her. Forgive any of us who have played a part in her downfall.

Amen.