Surrender

Father,

You know how you have been working on me mightily the past two weeks. I have asked and asked how to surrender more to you, how to loosen a particular stronghold in my life, and when you showed it more clearly to me, what did I do? I squealed like a baby and rebelled as I always have, having no faith that I could do it, rebelling in the discomfort that would follow by doing what I need to do, for having to change so much in ways that scare and frighten me.

But in your patience, you softened my heart, chastened me in the way only a parent can. These turn of events initially tipped my thoughts, mind and soul into tipsy turvy chaos, then came round to resonating deeply. You made me realize that all things about this I will miss (making it into an idol), resent (there are far better things then this), feel are not in my nature (discipline), are all the VERY THINGS I must learn to overcome to be closer to You.

Oh, Lord, I am so grateful that you orchestrated this whole thing, from the first thought in my head to contact someone I hadn't even thought about in years, to using her words to gently, but deeply pierce my soul. Already I sense a deeper surrender than ever before and I know I will only be able to hang onto you through this. But I do feel you leading me to this and so that gives me comfort as I go through your pruning process. No doubt I'll be doing some more squealing, but I rely FULLY on YOUR STRENGTH, not my own, to finally conquer this area of my life. Oh, Lord, may it be so!

I thank you also for the peace you have put within me during this Christmas season. I really just wanted to be close to you, feel your presence around me, not worry about material things, or missing my mother during this time, and you did that for me. B. goes away the day after Christmas and I look forward to that time alone with you and on my own, to prepare for the transition to come.

Be with us through this coming year, dear Lord. I am humbled by all you have done, and continue to do, in my life. I keep my request for my son before you always and persistently, that he, too, will see and accept your grace.

I love you, Father.

Laura