Happy New Year

Father God, thank you for hope in the new year. I think tomorrow is D Day, regardless of which organization I go with, regardless that it's the first day of the year (hate those "new year resolutions" that fall away within weeks) and tomorrow my diet goes clean because I cannot wait any longer. Gulp. Yes. The time is here. Oh Lord have mercy as I dare to believe this will be what helps me become healthier again and neutralizes this idol I have made food into. Help me as I detox away from these foods. Be with me in my decisions moment by moment. Bring me through the fire. Help me (us) in all ways, Lord Jesus. I pray for peace amidst the chaos, a stronger foundation of faith to walk the walk ever closer to you. I am ready to leave 2007 behind, as is my whole family, as it's not been the best year. This new year will be better as you work stronger in our lives. This is the year we get healthier and stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually. We thank you for these blessings so that you can better use us to be your hands and feet.

Happy New Year
Bring it on!

Surrender

Father,

You know how you have been working on me mightily the past two weeks. I have asked and asked how to surrender more to you, how to loosen a particular stronghold in my life, and when you showed it more clearly to me, what did I do? I squealed like a baby and rebelled as I always have, having no faith that I could do it, rebelling in the discomfort that would follow by doing what I need to do, for having to change so much in ways that scare and frighten me.

But in your patience, you softened my heart, chastened me in the way only a parent can. These turn of events initially tipped my thoughts, mind and soul into tipsy turvy chaos, then came round to resonating deeply. You made me realize that all things about this I will miss (making it into an idol), resent (there are far better things then this), feel are not in my nature (discipline), are all the VERY THINGS I must learn to overcome to be closer to You.

Oh, Lord, I am so grateful that you orchestrated this whole thing, from the first thought in my head to contact someone I hadn't even thought about in years, to using her words to gently, but deeply pierce my soul. Already I sense a deeper surrender than ever before and I know I will only be able to hang onto you through this. But I do feel you leading me to this and so that gives me comfort as I go through your pruning process. No doubt I'll be doing some more squealing, but I rely FULLY on YOUR STRENGTH, not my own, to finally conquer this area of my life. Oh, Lord, may it be so!

I thank you also for the peace you have put within me during this Christmas season. I really just wanted to be close to you, feel your presence around me, not worry about material things, or missing my mother during this time, and you did that for me. B. goes away the day after Christmas and I look forward to that time alone with you and on my own, to prepare for the transition to come.

Be with us through this coming year, dear Lord. I am humbled by all you have done, and continue to do, in my life. I keep my request for my son before you always and persistently, that he, too, will see and accept your grace.

I love you, Father.

Laura

Tuesday

Good morning, Lord. First let me thank you for working in my son's life, that he came to me about my cutting his money off to force him to get a job, when that very morning I had decided I must be strong and do that very thing. By working in his life you made the situation far less volatile and I am so very grateful for that. Now, to remain strong and for him to actually get a job and have the intent to do so, rather then half heartedly filling out an application here and there. You are working in his life and I thank you for that (why do I ever doubt that? Forgive me when my faith weakens). Please keep him in the palm of your hand. Find him Lord as you found me! May he have eyes to see and ears to hear you, this is my RELENTLESS prayer to you.

Thank you for a wonderful day last Friday visiting with my good friend, B. I realized I have known her for 20 years now! That is a lot for me considering all my moves and and friends I had to leave behind and who eventually lost touch with me. This friendship B. and I fought for during my divorce and we are so grateful that we weathered that storm and now look at us; both of us close to you and sharing our faith with each other. What a blessing!

Thank you for my husband feeling better. I prayed that he would feel your peace, your comfort, and most of all your unconditional love and NO condemnation that Satan often throws his way. To see him this morning, like 20 lbs. had been lifted off his face and shoulders. Oh, thank you Father!

I pray that I will have discernment about the field of transcription work, whether to train for medical transcription (costly and other factors to consider) or to try my hand at general transcription.

As always, I pray for the stronghold of my weight issue. It seems as if you have been placing before me to do a recovery program regarding this. Possibly Celebrate Recovery, possibly OA (gulp), possibly just doing the steps as B, did in the Recovery Bible which I already have. Please help me to know what to do. It is surely unmanageable at this point and perhaps I need help further then myself. I just don't know. It is one failure after another. It seems the more I try to surrender it and give it to you the worse I get and I just do not understand it. Celebrate Recovery's John Baker writes of praying not to drink as he walked into a bar. I can relate as I walk into the kitchen. Give me affirmations and discernment regarding this, please!

Thank you for this glorious cool weather that finally comes through this Florida window, for the gorgeous live Christmas tree I got yesterday which fills the house with warmth and a great smell. Oh keep me in your spirit and close to you this Christmas season.

I love you , Lord Jesus, my Redeemer, my friend.

Amen

So Thankful

Father, I am so very thankful for the time with my family over Thanksgiving. Especially, earlier in the week, the time spent with my brother from California. Talking late into the wee hours I was clearly able, with passion, to present the Gospel to him in a way he had never really heard it before. You laid on my heart to pray with him, which would be the first time to do so. My first thought was "Awkward!" but as you continually pressed on my heart, you opened my brothers heart as well so that when I asked if he wanted to pray he did not hesitate and said yes. As I prayed for him and his company and his core employees by name, he cried and held my hand. What a powerful time we had with each other and I thank you. I wanted to cry myself when he told me how he did not feel alone any more because he knew you were with him, that he did not fear death because he knew he would be with you. What sweet relief. He attributes this new faith in you to me, but I know it is you and I am SO grateful for this beautiful change in his life. I am only humbled you can use me in this way and I pray for it to continue.

I am grateful to see my nephew T. who is in such a good space now. The last two times I saw him he had been going through such a rough time in his life and did not look well, withdrawn, depressed, out of work. Now he loves his job working at Federal Express and sees a future there, makes good money and is confident again. He is expressing himself creatively through music and plays the electric and acoustic guitars quite well. Thank you , Lord, for keeping him in the palm of your hand and protecting him through this time.

Lord, I pray for G. next door who has joined the Marines. So young, only 18, he will leave in January for boot camp. You know how he is a live wire, Lord, so keep him in your protection and help mature him as I ask you to do my own son.

Thank you for M. having the courage to tell her testimony in church on Sunday through her sermon. How powerfully you worked through her to so many. I was humbled to be a part of her core group during that awful time and be able to give her some comfort, just as she and K have done for me. How humbling it was to hear her as my tears fell along with many around me. How awesome to see you work! So many had their eyes opened to a whole new part of her as those even close to her knew nothing of what was happening and what she has gone through for many years. Those, so easily critical of her in her high staff position at church, had a reality check in a good way and I am so glad you worked through her to teach us all. May God bless her and those around her.

I pray for K's situation with the children they have tried to give a better life. Lord, L & K have done so much for children that are not even theirs. I pray that the kids will be able to stay in these new surroundings and good schools and the parents will not be selfish at this time and put their children first.

As we get closer to Christmas I pray that you keep my heart full and in the right place, focused on you. There are few dollars this year so I won't be worried about "things", but I don't want to miss them either, but to only enjoy this sacred season and feel even closer to you. Sometimes I feel lost without my dear mother at Christmas. I pray I will only feel grateful that I had her as my mother, that she was with me for 30 years, which is far more then so many others.

Thank you for all these things, my wonderful, caring husband and so much more.

Another Year

Father, today you know another year has passed and I'm getting to the age where I want to start forgetting these remembrances of age! Yet I am so grateful that I have lived this long without major health problems, even being overweight and not always caring how my life has impacted this body you have given me. Forgive me and I pray that I make it more of a priority, especially by age 50 next year (how can that be?!?!).

Thank you for my mother who birthed me, the most wonderful woman in the world, who made every birthday so very special, who was a friend and good adviser, the epitome of goodness, a wonderful role model no matter what she went through. Although she has been gone nearly 17 years, I miss her even more. A great woman you gave to me as my mother. Thank you for the time I had with her. One of the biggest reasons I came back to you was wanting to see her again some day.

Thank you for a great husband. He was so sweet yesterday. We had a great evening, attending the Master Songwriting Class and sitting in the front row (surprise!) listening to one of our favorite recording artists in Tampa. It was magical and a wonderful birthday. That and so much more he gave to me and I am always amazed how well he knows me and how much he loves me despite it all.

Thank your for all who remembered me yesterday and today. Cards, emails, hugs. I feel very loved and cared for and I know you work through all of them to make me feel that way.

I pray to have an even better upcoming year, for you Father, emptying more of myself and letting more of you fill my soul. Help me to reflect your glory, to do your will.

Thank you, Lord, for so much in my life when so many have much less than I. Keep me in the grateful place. Thank you for another year on this earth with my family. Amen

Harvest

Father,

Thank you for giving me a taste of autumn way down here in the South. For the colors of this season in all the beautiful pumpkins that were spread out before me, for the cooler weather that made it so pleasant to spend my time there.

Thank you for chastening my heart when the three mommies with their babies came. They did not say hello, were not looking for pumpkins, only to take photos of their babies there (OK by me). It was not until you prompted me to go to them and offer to take a picture of all of them together that they softened. And then they surprised me as they left by each donating money to the church without even buying a pumpkin. This is what kindness does.

I pray that as some staff and I meet that there will be a clearing of the air and misunderstandings will be corrected and love will abound again between us all, especially for my dear friend J. There is a place for all of us in leadership and none is better then another. Help us to understand each other.

Bless N. in the sudden loss of her mother yesterday morning. All last year we were praying for her elderly father and now it is her mother who is with you today. Give them comfort and peace, dear Lord.

I am desperate regarding my weight again. I can't seem to learn what you want me to learn regarding this. I find less and less strength to do what I am supposed to be doing. I have given this to you a thousand times but apparently to no avail. And yet, what comes to mind is the Philip Yancey book on prayer that I am reading where over and over it seems unrelenting prayer is what you want. So I continue in this vein and beg you to help me overcome this stronghold in my life.

As always I pray for C., that the glitter of the world fades for him. That he will see you with your arms open so clearly and he will run to you. I pray he finds work (even if he only submits apps to please me!) and that he sees there is a whole life out there for outside these four walls of home.

Help me to understand and love you more. Forgive my doubts and failings. Thank you for all the beauty in this world, amidst the chaos. There is always you. You will never leave us or forsake us.

Sunday Morning Thanks

Thank you for the little pleasures of life like the first cup of java in the morning in my lovely cup and saucer.

Thank you for an excellent pastor who is passionate for you and many in church I have come to love.

Thank you that C. is off with his dad today surfing. J. does not make C. a priority in his life and spends so little time with his son so I am always glad when they have the day together and I know you agree with me there. It's so important. And, yes, it makes for a nice, peaceful day in the house.

Thank you for being the driving force in my life, for showing me so much, for humbling me in many ways. To God be the glory.

Tuesday

Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me last night when I was the table leader at the Bible study. I had burdens on my heart, but you were able to help me through. More so I am grateful that afterwards B and I were able to talk in such a way that cleared the air, had us see things in the proper perspective, that we reunited in a strong way.

I know you heard C declare yesterday that he was an agnostic and my heart sagged that he had made a choice whereas up to now he was undecided. He says he is open to Christianity but cannot see it is true. He says he has asked you to reveal yourself to him for years and you have done nothing. I silently prayed to give me the words to say to him. I told him you are all around him if he would just look in a different way, but I understand at his age he wants to "see" you to believe you. I, too, have begged for you to reveal yourself in such a way he could not deny you, and while he is still open to you (I am so afraid he will close that door completely). I don't understand, Lord, why you can't make yourself more apparent to him. I have to trust your ways but it is so hard. Please hear this mother pray for her son, that he will know, love, trust and accept you. At least he believes there is something that created us. He sees nothing but Christians and "religious" man made rules and what can I say? He's right in much of what he says and sees. Too many professed Christians doing things that repel people away from you and your salvation. It makes me heartsick. I was once there also. But if you brought me back to you I trust you will with C also. So, I calmly relayed my beliefs, told him not to look at man or even church, but to you alone and to keep seeking. Oh, God, may it be so.

Thank you for giving me the wise decision not to take on yet another position with a church opportunity. Though I am flattered to be asked to be in the position I realize it is not the right thing for me and I only have so much strength for things these days. As Merry's words often come to my mind, "every opportunity is not a calling". I will concentrate on the things I have a passion for.

I ask you to bless the devotional book we will soon be printing. I feel more responsible than anyone because I edited it, put it together, chose the art and the online publication source. So many have asked about it and I pray that they will not be disappointed, that it will be a great fund raiser for many charities to your glory, Lord.

Thank you for the strength and hope I have asked for. Get us through these trials by fire right now. C has a place he thinks he might want to work at and I told him no $$ until you apply for a job there. Please, Lord, get him on his feet and moving forward in his life and help me to be encouraging but strong with him.

Humble my heart, Lord, release my pride in the areas of my body images and others (you know what they are). Thank you that I started a food diary yet again. You know I find them endlessly tedious in time, but I hope this will be a new start that can last. Help me to get more exercise then I have, to be mindful of all food choices during the day.

Help me always to be grateful for all you have given me.

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

Father, the peace and hope we felt here in the morning was so fleeting. By nights end we were in tears. Please restore to us Your peace, Your hope, Your strength. Lift the heavy cloak from around B. and let his heart be free and hopeful. Forgive us what we do to each other and help us to remember our love and our future.

Thankful

Lord, I'm thankful for a couple of peaceful days. No drama. Time to renew my strength and see the light again. The tattered and frayed edges are mending a bit.

I pray that Chris arises today with a drive to move forward in his life. Bestow upon him maturity, Lord. I pray that Ben has a good day and sees hope in our future together where we can live north again one day. I pray for M. in the loss of her mother and all that follows a death. Help us, her sisters in Christ, to be able to provide whatever she needs emotionally and physically. I pray in thankfulness for J. who is 6 months clean today. May time create a firm foundation away from that lifestyle. I pray for K.C. in need of healing. I pray in praise for healing of D.P. and I pray for Pastor K. who is such a blessing to our church, but who is trying in many ways of his life to grow.

I ask you to help me as I prepare for the class I am giving at the women's retreat in January. I so want the women to want to seek a deeper relationship with you, to create quiet time so you can speak to their hearts, to create their "secret garden" with you. Please give me the words to say, use me as you will, to convey this to my sisters.

You were with me yesterday when I stepped on the scale and my heart sunk in desperation and battled going to that dark place all day. Thank you that you helped me not go there and pointed me to the small and better steps toward a better life (at least I hope so - can't you hear me begging?!?!). One day, one meal, at a time. Please, I pray, you help me to get where I have wanted to be for so very long. Balance. Balance. Somehow with your help, more then I've ever needed it before.

Thank you for helping me be more disciplined in many areas of my life. You know all of those areas I have such a hard time surrendering to you. Create in me a new heart and a new understanding.

I long for a dog, but it's not the right time, so thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who are filled with unconditional love and who are such a part of me and my life. Thank you for their quirky spirits and how they come running to my voice and wind through my legs purring. We don't know if pets go to heaven but I am hoping you'll find a place for our beloved friends.

So, here I go on with the rest of my day. Be with me in thought, spirit and words.

Amen.

Beautiful Son (who ages me in dog years)

Tired

Dear Lord,
I am seriously tired this morning and need renewal in mind, body and spirit. I thank You that You provided me with strength and calm yesterday as I handled the problem with Chris. He was so angry with me, as angry as I've ever seen him, and he was threatening too, but I got him out of his room and I got him talking and two hours later we even had a little laugh as I told him, c'mon, unlock your door or you'll make your old mom worry even more. Let my words, which seem like they fall on deaf ears, trickle down into his soul and germinate there.

Oh Father, please, with every fiber in me, reveal yourself to my son who is of the world so totally, who buys into what the world has to offer and cannot see You even though you are there. Please open his eyes, his ears, his heart to You. Please, reveal Yourself to him in such a way that he cannot resist You. Hear me being bold to pray he becomes a warrior for You and that he will be in Your Kingdom with me (else how can I possibly be happy there?).

Abba, Father, help me to be more disciplined with food and not to use it as comfort and in anger in times of stress that are so often these days. Help me to eat as You intended us to eat, whole foods, smaller portions, lots of veggies. Help me to lose my desire for that which is not good for my body. Help me to be kind to myself and to end this war with my body that has lasted well beyond a decade. I can't change myself (though Lord knows I've tried), only You can. I rely on You and stand in Your shadow for strength.

Thank You for Your strength which I am in vast need of this day. Thank you that You arranged an easy day for me so I can get the rest I need. Thank You that I had that time, sitting on the couch with You, as the rain sounded like a babbling brook this morning, and I just rested in You.

I love you, Lord. Increase my faith, strength and wisdom. For Your glory.

Amen.

My Secret Garden of Prayer

Dear Father,

Help me to be a strong parent for what I have to do this afternoon with my son. It is easy for me to be merciful and forgiving, but difficult to draw a hard line. Prepare my son's heart with understanding and not defiance. Keep me strong and may it not further pain me as I am already worn and fragile. You give me the strength I need always.

I pray also that Ben will find some good in Chris, dear Lord. Please unite us somehow, some way in terms of the three of us. I love them both deeply, but they are killing me with their lack of understanding of each other.

Thank you for autumn starting to smile upon us, even faintly here in Florida. Give us all hope, inspiration, strength and love.

Help me to remember I am a friend of the Father, a daughter of the King. Amen.