Harvest

Father,

Thank you for giving me a taste of autumn way down here in the South. For the colors of this season in all the beautiful pumpkins that were spread out before me, for the cooler weather that made it so pleasant to spend my time there.

Thank you for chastening my heart when the three mommies with their babies came. They did not say hello, were not looking for pumpkins, only to take photos of their babies there (OK by me). It was not until you prompted me to go to them and offer to take a picture of all of them together that they softened. And then they surprised me as they left by each donating money to the church without even buying a pumpkin. This is what kindness does.

I pray that as some staff and I meet that there will be a clearing of the air and misunderstandings will be corrected and love will abound again between us all, especially for my dear friend J. There is a place for all of us in leadership and none is better then another. Help us to understand each other.

Bless N. in the sudden loss of her mother yesterday morning. All last year we were praying for her elderly father and now it is her mother who is with you today. Give them comfort and peace, dear Lord.

I am desperate regarding my weight again. I can't seem to learn what you want me to learn regarding this. I find less and less strength to do what I am supposed to be doing. I have given this to you a thousand times but apparently to no avail. And yet, what comes to mind is the Philip Yancey book on prayer that I am reading where over and over it seems unrelenting prayer is what you want. So I continue in this vein and beg you to help me overcome this stronghold in my life.

As always I pray for C., that the glitter of the world fades for him. That he will see you with your arms open so clearly and he will run to you. I pray he finds work (even if he only submits apps to please me!) and that he sees there is a whole life out there for outside these four walls of home.

Help me to understand and love you more. Forgive my doubts and failings. Thank you for all the beauty in this world, amidst the chaos. There is always you. You will never leave us or forsake us.

Sunday Morning Thanks

Thank you for the little pleasures of life like the first cup of java in the morning in my lovely cup and saucer.

Thank you for an excellent pastor who is passionate for you and many in church I have come to love.

Thank you that C. is off with his dad today surfing. J. does not make C. a priority in his life and spends so little time with his son so I am always glad when they have the day together and I know you agree with me there. It's so important. And, yes, it makes for a nice, peaceful day in the house.

Thank you for being the driving force in my life, for showing me so much, for humbling me in many ways. To God be the glory.

Tuesday

Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me last night when I was the table leader at the Bible study. I had burdens on my heart, but you were able to help me through. More so I am grateful that afterwards B and I were able to talk in such a way that cleared the air, had us see things in the proper perspective, that we reunited in a strong way.

I know you heard C declare yesterday that he was an agnostic and my heart sagged that he had made a choice whereas up to now he was undecided. He says he is open to Christianity but cannot see it is true. He says he has asked you to reveal yourself to him for years and you have done nothing. I silently prayed to give me the words to say to him. I told him you are all around him if he would just look in a different way, but I understand at his age he wants to "see" you to believe you. I, too, have begged for you to reveal yourself in such a way he could not deny you, and while he is still open to you (I am so afraid he will close that door completely). I don't understand, Lord, why you can't make yourself more apparent to him. I have to trust your ways but it is so hard. Please hear this mother pray for her son, that he will know, love, trust and accept you. At least he believes there is something that created us. He sees nothing but Christians and "religious" man made rules and what can I say? He's right in much of what he says and sees. Too many professed Christians doing things that repel people away from you and your salvation. It makes me heartsick. I was once there also. But if you brought me back to you I trust you will with C also. So, I calmly relayed my beliefs, told him not to look at man or even church, but to you alone and to keep seeking. Oh, God, may it be so.

Thank you for giving me the wise decision not to take on yet another position with a church opportunity. Though I am flattered to be asked to be in the position I realize it is not the right thing for me and I only have so much strength for things these days. As Merry's words often come to my mind, "every opportunity is not a calling". I will concentrate on the things I have a passion for.

I ask you to bless the devotional book we will soon be printing. I feel more responsible than anyone because I edited it, put it together, chose the art and the online publication source. So many have asked about it and I pray that they will not be disappointed, that it will be a great fund raiser for many charities to your glory, Lord.

Thank you for the strength and hope I have asked for. Get us through these trials by fire right now. C has a place he thinks he might want to work at and I told him no $$ until you apply for a job there. Please, Lord, get him on his feet and moving forward in his life and help me to be encouraging but strong with him.

Humble my heart, Lord, release my pride in the areas of my body images and others (you know what they are). Thank you that I started a food diary yet again. You know I find them endlessly tedious in time, but I hope this will be a new start that can last. Help me to get more exercise then I have, to be mindful of all food choices during the day.

Help me always to be grateful for all you have given me.

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

Father, the peace and hope we felt here in the morning was so fleeting. By nights end we were in tears. Please restore to us Your peace, Your hope, Your strength. Lift the heavy cloak from around B. and let his heart be free and hopeful. Forgive us what we do to each other and help us to remember our love and our future.

Thankful

Lord, I'm thankful for a couple of peaceful days. No drama. Time to renew my strength and see the light again. The tattered and frayed edges are mending a bit.

I pray that Chris arises today with a drive to move forward in his life. Bestow upon him maturity, Lord. I pray that Ben has a good day and sees hope in our future together where we can live north again one day. I pray for M. in the loss of her mother and all that follows a death. Help us, her sisters in Christ, to be able to provide whatever she needs emotionally and physically. I pray in thankfulness for J. who is 6 months clean today. May time create a firm foundation away from that lifestyle. I pray for K.C. in need of healing. I pray in praise for healing of D.P. and I pray for Pastor K. who is such a blessing to our church, but who is trying in many ways of his life to grow.

I ask you to help me as I prepare for the class I am giving at the women's retreat in January. I so want the women to want to seek a deeper relationship with you, to create quiet time so you can speak to their hearts, to create their "secret garden" with you. Please give me the words to say, use me as you will, to convey this to my sisters.

You were with me yesterday when I stepped on the scale and my heart sunk in desperation and battled going to that dark place all day. Thank you that you helped me not go there and pointed me to the small and better steps toward a better life (at least I hope so - can't you hear me begging?!?!). One day, one meal, at a time. Please, I pray, you help me to get where I have wanted to be for so very long. Balance. Balance. Somehow with your help, more then I've ever needed it before.

Thank you for helping me be more disciplined in many areas of my life. You know all of those areas I have such a hard time surrendering to you. Create in me a new heart and a new understanding.

I long for a dog, but it's not the right time, so thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who are filled with unconditional love and who are such a part of me and my life. Thank you for their quirky spirits and how they come running to my voice and wind through my legs purring. We don't know if pets go to heaven but I am hoping you'll find a place for our beloved friends.

So, here I go on with the rest of my day. Be with me in thought, spirit and words.

Amen.

Beautiful Son (who ages me in dog years)

Tired

Dear Lord,
I am seriously tired this morning and need renewal in mind, body and spirit. I thank You that You provided me with strength and calm yesterday as I handled the problem with Chris. He was so angry with me, as angry as I've ever seen him, and he was threatening too, but I got him out of his room and I got him talking and two hours later we even had a little laugh as I told him, c'mon, unlock your door or you'll make your old mom worry even more. Let my words, which seem like they fall on deaf ears, trickle down into his soul and germinate there.

Oh Father, please, with every fiber in me, reveal yourself to my son who is of the world so totally, who buys into what the world has to offer and cannot see You even though you are there. Please open his eyes, his ears, his heart to You. Please, reveal Yourself to him in such a way that he cannot resist You. Hear me being bold to pray he becomes a warrior for You and that he will be in Your Kingdom with me (else how can I possibly be happy there?).

Abba, Father, help me to be more disciplined with food and not to use it as comfort and in anger in times of stress that are so often these days. Help me to eat as You intended us to eat, whole foods, smaller portions, lots of veggies. Help me to lose my desire for that which is not good for my body. Help me to be kind to myself and to end this war with my body that has lasted well beyond a decade. I can't change myself (though Lord knows I've tried), only You can. I rely on You and stand in Your shadow for strength.

Thank You for Your strength which I am in vast need of this day. Thank you that You arranged an easy day for me so I can get the rest I need. Thank You that I had that time, sitting on the couch with You, as the rain sounded like a babbling brook this morning, and I just rested in You.

I love you, Lord. Increase my faith, strength and wisdom. For Your glory.

Amen.