The Lighted Path

Lord,
I do feel as if you have lit the path before me clearly. The long stretch of waiting and wondering feel as if they are coming to an end and I am astounded how things seem to be working out. Of course they come with fears of their own, but Father! How you have set in place, seemingly, a team of people who can help me, and in addition the chance to write, and even better, perhaps a way to help other women along the way who struggle with these same things. I am awestruck and overwhelmed. Please be with me as I go through this journey. It will be long and I'm sure full of pitfalls that this time I hope to finally overcome with the help you are placing around me. Thank you Lord.

Thanks also for a great trip to California; intense, productive and a great time with my brother. You have used him to be so instrumental in this new journey as well and I grateful! As much as he knows you, I see how so very far he has to go to have the peace and understanding I have had the luxury to gain by your grace and the many studies I have taken which has helped me understand you further. You have graced him with so much brilliance it is hard for him to understand it all, as it has always been all his life he searches for his purpose in you even though he has had incredible worldly success, known by many, yet he still feels scared. Still wonders in confusion at time. Happiness has always been an elusive thing in our family. I pray we find it in completeness with you and that we continue moving forward towards it until we do so or you take us home.

Ben is in a tough place once again. Feeling like he's not fitting in which has plagued him all his life. Oh Lord, pry open his heart more fully. You and I know how deep that goes within him in such incredible ways. Let the love more fully flow in and out. I pray he allows you to guide him, that he allows himself to feel your peace, acceptance, complete love, that he will realize you do not condemn and judge him as he does himself, that he value himself as you (and I) do. Ignite his passion again, get him through this time. Comfort and encourage him and give me the right words to say that can in some way help him through. Send him someone he can relate to outside this home. He is the love of my life and he has so much to give that he can't see himself. Show him, Lord. And give him strength until he sees it himself.

Be with Chris. Be in Chris. Push him forward into a better life with you and give him more meaning in life than what he has. There is so much more! I pray people will not give up on him and will extend grace to him as you have, as unmerited as he deserves it.

Forgive me when I spend too little time with you. Forgive me my pride and when I am a hypocrite in my faith. Help me to be all that you want me to be. Help me to be a vessel for you, as fragile as I am in ways, and to reflect who you are to others. Forgive my weaknesses, my lack of faith, my abusing this temple as I have. I pray you can move me forward in these areas so I can be more of what you want me to be and go where I need to go. Help me to be fearless and to have the inner strength to fight in the many areas I need to, but with grace and love and dignity.

Help me to always remember I am a child of the king, no matter what others think of me.

Oh yeah - and thanks for the rain we had. Our grass was like straw no matter how we tried to water it, so the soaking 24 hour rain was a gift. Be with us as we enter hurricane season in a few days as well. Oh Lord, so many calamities all over the world I feel guilty for even asking you anything. Be with all those who are in such dire need of you.

All these things I ask according to your will.

Amen