Surrender

So I'm trying hard to be at that point of surrender, Lord. I have felt a change coming in my life for some time now, and it is as if I am finally at the bend where it really is going to happen. Please be with me through the changes and decisions ahead. It's exciting and daunting at the same time and I try to stay in a state of surrender, but boy is that hard at times.

Thank you for the possibility of help in restoring my health to the way it should be. A lot, if not most, will be in my hands and after constant failure in this area for years it's scary to have hope, but I know it is your will for me to do so and I must lean on you all the more.

I am so excited about the possibility of a writing venture with my brother. Please be with me as I go through this process. What a blessing!

Thank you for working through me as I wrote and debated Pastor K through email. He thanked me for the "theological exercise", said I had done a great job and called me a theologian! Imagine that. I replied that was the best compliment I had received all day! But really, you gave me the words to say (from your very Word!) that helped him to understand things in a different way from my point of view and he didn't refute it! I am grateful for that, as well as strengthening my thoughts on the matter that you helped point me to.

Be with me as I travel to Los Angeles next week. My brother is hungry to hear of you and my being his only spiritual feed puts pressure on me to say the right thing, so I lay it at your feet. You have already worked great things in him for you the past couple of years and I just want to raise my hands and say "hallelujah"! I pray the trip will be good time together for many reasons, but mostly for that. If you can use me to get him closer to you than it would be answered prayer indeed.

I pray for the thought that entered into my mind about the new half way house for girls who need someone to help with Bible studies on Sunday nights. Having a bit of experience in this now which seems to be going well, there was a catch in my heart (from me or from you?) that maybe I could do this for teenage girls. Of course in the next nano-second I thought "No, I couldn't handle that." and I do wonder if I am ready to give a study with unbelievers or perhaps even young girls who don't really want to be there. And yet. And yet.... I so want to get outside of the church walls. I don't want to always only be preaching to the choir, you know? You told us to go out in the community. It's the Great Commission, but I've been (am) so scared sometimes. So please help me to be discerning here.

I pray you make a way for Ben to find a Christian school near his job so that he can go back to school and study about YOU! Talk about a theologian - he would be such a good candidate for that and he has such a yearning to learn about you and your word. I pray if it is your will you will make it so for him.

As always I pray for my son, that you will mature him, reveal yourself to him, that he will find his identity in you and not of this world where he continually looks for validation. Oh I pray for my son, Christopher, to see you and life and his family in a new and different way. Lift the veil, Lord!! And at the same time I am so grateful for all the good things about him, that you gave him caution that has stopped him so many times from doing things he should not, that we communicate, that he has a good sense of humor. Oh, if only he had eyes for you as well. But surely our many conversation will help plant the seeds which will be harvested for you in time. I keep telling him to continue to ask the big and hard questions. You're big enough to take them! So please give him an answer, Father. Oh how I pray that this is so.

One more little thing. Or should I say two. Though I pine to be in a place where I can have dogs again, I sure do thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who have been constant friends and companions for over a decade. Georgie will be 13 this month by the grace of you, and they add such measure and meaning to my life. Thank you that they are still in good health.

And all God's people said.

Amen.