Saturday Morning

Lord I do thank you that the results of my tests came back so clear. "Excellent" is what the doctor kept saying as we went through the blood tests, the liver. No diabetes (I knew about the hypoglycemia already), no heart disease. My thyroid fine on the level of meds I take. Only a couple of minor, seemingly inconsequential things found. I thank you that you gave me parents who cared about what they fed their kids and that they didn't raise us on Cocoa Puffs and Pop Tarts and soda, but made sure we ate a mostly vegetarian diet, whole grains, good food. I'm sure that is what has helped me have such clean blood, liver and urine at this point.

Again, I am thankful, and yet you know I'm frustrated too. I have to admit, confess, that although I didn't want anything to be really "wrong", that perhaps there could be something that could explain why it is so hard for me to lose weight. It seems when I diet what others lose on I only maintain on, meaning I have to eat half as much and exercise twice as much as everyone else to budge the scales or so it seems (and to others as well). And then if I'm lucky I will lose for 3 or 4 months and then it just stops. Stops! Doesn't feel like a plateau, it feels like I hit a brick wall. That is so hard for me to keep going on what seems like so little food and so much sacrifice.

I know, drivel, drivel, whine, whine. But, Lord, you gotta know I'm frustrated. I was hoping there was an answer to that but perhaps it was how you genetically made me and I have to keep trying until I find the right answer for me. It is so tiring, Lord. You know how exhausted (not just tired, but exhausted) I get now. Such a viscous circle it puts a person in when they get heavy. So what do I pray for? I guess complete obedience regarding this? Um, maybe not that. Perhaps a change of heart and mind and an attitude adjustment towards food and my situation I suppose. So, Lord, I pray for that and for whatever I am supposed to learn and understand regarding this particular journey of my life.

Oh, I am so truly grateful for the lectures on Paul I have been hearing on that long drive to and from the doctors. Also for the Dallas Willard book that is just so amazing and exciting to read. Over and over again I see that you want a living, breathing, intimate relationship of faith with us, not the rules, the regs, the legalism that humans want to place into "religion". I see how Abraham, who had none of those instructions you later gave, had complete and utter faith in you and that is what made him righteous! Oh Lord how I love that and attain to that myself. And I thank you that I am so filled with passion over this and other things as I start the new Bible study soon. It is only by learning and studying that we start to comprehend the overall picture you want for us. It really is incredibly exciting.

Thanks for last night, when the Women's Ministry met for dinner. Again, puts a smile on my face to see how many were touched in the community and outside of our church, and already we are putting our prayers and thoughts into next year's retreat. Thank you Father God for all of this!

So, on I go. As always, I lay my son before you (I "lay my Isaac down"), my marriage, my life.

Laura