Anointing

Father, I hope that what I did was right when I anointed our home with oil today. Before I started, as I closed my prayer with the words, "In Jesus name", was that You in the sunshine that suddenly came out and flooded the room so that even with my eyes closed I noticed? So perfectly timed it was...

After our Sunday school teacher informed us that he had done the same, it just seemed like it was the right thing to do at our home. You know I've never really done anything like that before, except in my old New Age days (which made me feel weird), so I do pray you will honor my intentions in doing so now. I know it is merely a symbol, but I prayed my way around the house outside, anointing every door and window, and then inside the house doing the same, especially in Chris' room, praying the Holy Spirit would be through the whole house, that evil could not live or remain here.

May it be so, Lord, may it be so.

Thank you for answered prayer yesterday. I was up at the alter praying for C and B's hearts to be warmed toward each other during the church service and by lunch B started to talk about how maybe we could start praying together for C, that he wanted to work with me, that the wall of unforgiveness was not working. Little did I know he had read this very blog about how alone I felt regarding parenting, why I couldn't go to him. It is strange how You worked through my own words, unbeknown to me, to help him see things in a different way. Just by knowing he would want to pray for C together shows me his heart is warmer. Right there at the restaurant the tears just started to slip out I was so thankful. We have wanted to pray together for some time and always stumbled and stopped. Now we are going to try to recommit to that important part of our marriage.

During the service yesterday there was a marriage renewal ceremony for those in the church that wanted to do so. A great many couples went forward including K and her husband. K is battling, what seems to be a courageous but losing battle with cancer. She is stick thin and walked painfully to the front. Everyone who saw her was so struck to the core that this could possibly be their last year together even though they are only in their 40's and have teenage children. It was heartbreaking to hear "Until death do us part" knowing theirs could be much too soon. They cried. We cried. God bless them, Lord. Keep them in the palm of Your hand. Grant them strength, comfort and peace.

God bless our Sunday School teacher, B, who made the tough decision to stop teaching our class in lieu of furthering his evangelism with kids. It is the right decision even though we will surely miss his insight, knowledge and instruction. It was not a big surprise to hear he had decided this and when I think of all the kids he will bring to You, then how could we not let him go in kindness? So please bless him in this venture.

Thank you for a good week ahead. Thank you that the new integrative doctor will accurately diagnose me. Bless the people who will perform the ultra sound on my thyroid and may all the other tests have no mistakes to alter the findings. Guide me, direct me and all the professionals as well regarding what I should do. Only You know if this is what will help me in losing weight, lessening the headaches, etc.

Help us to be ever closer to you, Lord. Help us to be who you want us to be.

I love you,

Laura

Worry/Fear/Stress

Lord, you know what's killing me right now. You saw and heard me on my knees at 5:30 am petitioning you because I could no longer sleep. I read Proverbs and it only made me feel lousy. Help me get through this. Help me to be stronger. Give me a new way that may penetrate. Help me to have peace because my stomach, as so often is the case regarding my son, is in a knot. I am at a loss. Ever I try to make things change and ever does he insist on keeping things the same.

Yesterday sent me totally over the edge and I'm still not recovered. I felt shell shocked afterwards that he displayed such behavior over such a minor thing. But he wanted it so he was bound and determined to get it and when I said no the games began. I look at other parents who are almost gleeful in making their kids sweat so they can learn a lesson. You did not seem to create me with that gene because all I feel is pain and always I feel like a lousy parent. Sure, I'm compassionate and forgiving and loving and supportive, but that is not enough. I try to set limits to the point where he won't outright rebel. I have disciplined him as a child (though no one would know that now looking at him) growing up. I tried to teach him right from wrong. And he is not a bad kid, but he is totally self absorbed and of this world and has no ambition. The slacker skateboard dude. Arrested development personified at age 18. Who is this child that came from my loins? Why did you give him to me if I am such a lousy parent? Thank God the love is there, the love is there on both parts, but it's bruised and battered on my end a lot of the time. I am so tired. I am begging you. Please help. Show us each the way...

Lent

Lord, thanks for the learning lesson this morning. Wow is all I can say. And the lesson took me from hopelessness to hopefulness. Left to my own devices I spiral down to the black abyss. Note to self; always hang on to God and He will show me the way. Why do I forget that?

I have never done the whole Lent thing. Did not grow up with it and always thought it was a Catholic ritual. But now attending a Methodist church I understand the intent behind it and I like it. It's a time of self reflection, of discipline and sacrifice. Not that those things "count" in salvation, but certainly they can be good tools on the path of spiritual growth and in addition you know, Lord, I need discipline in my rebellious nature. So thank you for directing me to the book on Lent at the library and I pray that I can take these 40 days to daily dig deeper with You.

Thank you for the transformation of Laura. I know I can't even see it sometimes, but when I look back on the last few years it is humbling and amazing.

Prayers always for my family and for so many who are in such dire need of your comfort and peace around this world where evil lives. Be with us, Father God, through all we must endure. Help us to understand.

Thank you for finding me again.

Laura

Britney

Dear Father,

I pray for this young woman whose life is spiraling out of control into the depths of an unmanageable and dangerous life. I pray you are with her family, with her doctors, that you will penetrate her mind to see she needs help to lead a normal and healthy life. Be with the doctors that they may help her so she can see a different life for herself. Extend your grace to her and her family. Help her to see you once again, your healing light shining down on her. Forgive any of us who have played a part in her downfall.

Amen.

Help

Lord, I am too full of compassion and sympathy and understanding for my child I know, yet I am the only one who has even a shred of patience and who can extend grace (unmerited favor) to him. Virtually the only, besides perhaps You, who loves C and can sympathize with some points in his life. Always I feel like an utter failure as a parent when everyone thinks I am so soft because I do understand in some ways. I cannot seem to get to a point where I don't care and be a bitch and be tough and seemingly uncaring to force him as other parents do. I don't know why I am always for the underdog, always seeing that side, always compassionate, but I just am. And it makes me feel very, very alone. A failure that I am not tougher when I just cannot seem to be. My heart completely breaks when I see that his father has so let him down in so many ways. J still occasionally tries to act as a dad "should" do but with such a superficial relationship he can't be hard on C when he's never in his life, doesn't really know about him, has never taken the time and C knows that! B is my husband but when he talks about getting tough with Chris (and I know some of what he says is true) it is so tainted with disgust and void of any love or grace that I immediately become defensive. If we both could talk like two people who loved and wanted to guide him it would help me to be tougher but if you can't stand my child it just changes things and I become the mother bear who is the only (ONLY) one to protect her child.

Maybe I should do as Merry said in her message at the retreat; don't apologize for being how I am, how You made me. Even though ironically it is the opposite of Merry - who is very black and white and has had to be tough with her addict daughter so it is good she was that way - she came to the point where she felt You told her not to apologize for being the way You made her (when she felt she should change because of what others critically said of her). Maybe for me I am the only one for my child who gives him grace (yes, even if he doesn't deserve it).

So, Lord, fill me with your direction, Lord, fill me with your peace.Help me to be stronger where I should be, I beg you. Most of all, change my beautiful boy and bless him with maturity, courage to start his life when things are not perfect, give him understanding of what life is really about. He is so immature in his thoughts and maybe that is partly my fault (forgive me for my part in that, as I know since I've been a single mom I have tried to make up for his dad's lack of love not in material things but in not always drawing a line in the sand towards war in the house). I beg you to help him, Lord. And help me to help him. And help me to accept who I am while still striving to be stronger as a parent.

Be with us in a strong way.

Amen.

The First Gift

So the first gift, Lord, upon starting the day of the retreat was the sunrise you blessed me with. This image could not show the beautiful reality and the peaceful calm it gave my soul as I quickly took a picture as I walked into church. I knew it would be a wonderful day.

And it was. Oh thank you Lord for all the women who came, how their hearts were warmed and the tears fell by days end, how you were able to work through all of us to enable the women to have a wonderful day set apart, a retreat from the world and enfolded in your arms.

Specifically with Kim and myself and I am so grateful you gave us the words to say. Kim's personal story drew everyone in and it was gratifying to hear my suggestions on deepening their "Garden of Knowledge" seemed to touch many. Thank you for giving us the words and what a privilege that we could be a part of this day along with the many other women who taught and helped.

Thank you, also, that B came and helped the other men serve us lunch. Those types of situations are not always easy for my beautiful husband, but he did it and it went well....and Lord forgive me that in the middle of that Christian setting I just wanted to throw myself at my husband, he looked so good to my eyes. Actually, I take that back. I thank you for that, that the passion still flares beautifully between a wife and a husband.

So grateful, so grateful....

L~

At Last

Lord, as you know, tomorrow is finally the day of the retreat. The sanctuary and Christian Life Center are blooming with the garden theme. All of our classrooms look glorious with decorations of flowers and gardens - all of your creation. I feel your presence so powerfully through nature that it is a pleasure and a comfort to be around all the colors of the flowers, the greenery, yes even the little silk butterflies. I'm not much of a girly-girl but I find myself smiling looking at it all.

Our devotion and prayer time with the team last night was just beautiful. Did you see us all in circle, holding hands and praying to you? We ask you to remove all pride and expectations and just move powerfully through us. We are hearing more and more that of the 140+ women coming, many are either unchurched or have not been in many years, or even only go on Sunday and do nothing more. Oh, Lord, what an opportunity! Please work through us to show them more of your love and mercy and grace. Help them to thirst for more from what they see and feel and hear tomorrow.

I am so thankful! Lately I just throw my hands in the air, out of nowhere, for "no" reason and say, "Praise you, Lord Jesus! Thank you!"

To your glory, Lord.

L~

Thankful

Good morning Lord,

Thank you that you worked through Janey at her sister's women's retreat last weekend. The ladies were moved and it was a great day. Was beautiful to see twin sisters who loved each other deeply. We, from St. Johns, as you know Lord, too up an entire pew, including Janey's daughter. At one point we all were sniffling and thank goodness I had brought a full pack of tissues, which went down the entire pew with everyone taking one. It was also so beautiful to see the seeds we sowed last year coming to fruition with their own ladies doing a great job themselves.

Now it is our turn this weekend for the women at our own church. Thank you for working through all of us to inspire the women to be closer to you, to give them a truly special and inspirational day that is set apart for them. I ask specifically for myself as well, that nerves won't get in the way of delivery, that I will remember what I feel you want me to say (I know you will take care of this with whatever words come from my mouth). That truly you will speak through me. Thank you, Father, for this.

I did so well eating at last weekend's retreat, thank you for being with me through that really big challenge. Although I have already lost some weight, I know it will only get harder as time goes on. Please help me to lean on you completely. It's something I need to learn more I know! Please help me to learn what I am supposed to learn through this particular journey.

You have also helped put B’s words to echo many times in my ears lately as I am tempted; this is the year we fight to get healthy. That means a little pain, Laura, and a lot of sacrifice and behavior modification. Although I said I was willing to sacrifice, it’s another thing to actually endure it! So thank you, dear Lord, for being with me and helping me overcome and set my priorities with food the way they should be. I pray that eventually these foods will not have so much of an appeal to me any longer. That would be such a blessing.

Thanks for giving B a great night last night. He so seldom gets out of the house and does something fun. We have spent too little time together and since he still does not feel comfortable to leave C alone overnight, it makes for us sometimes to lead separate lives. You planted the seed that we get away the weekend after next for the whole day. He loved the idea too and we now look forward to it.

So help me get through this weekend. Saturday is the retreat which is the full day, Sunday morning I have to help with the hospitality table early in the morning at church. Help me to have the energy I need to get through it all.

Thank you for all the many, many blessings in my life. Help me to ever move towards You and for me not to just talk about it, but for myself also, to keep tending to my spiritual garden.

Peace!

L~

Slowing it Down

Thank you for showing me (in my soul and through other people) to slow. it. down. To stay focused on what I know is true and what is working, to not project into the future, not feeling bad about people feeling bad about me (so silly), to not have all the questions answered now. For helping me to give it to you.

So, I keep plodding on and the whole food thing is working in the way that is tailored best for me, and you are there to remind me when I'm tempted that, oh yeah, that would not be best would it? A cup of tea might be better right about now when I have a snack attack mid afternoon. Oh Lord, what would I do without you? There are people dying in this tragic world and people dealing with so much, and yet you still help me with these minor problems (okay, they seem pretty big to me relatively speaking).

Again I ask for you to work through all of us ladies as we do our retreats and our classes. May the women be inspired to move closer to you and enrich their spiritual lives.

Please somehow help to get C. a job so that he realizes the value in good hard work, a paycheck, and start to make a life for himself. He needs humbling I know, and I am scared to pray about that....you know my fears and my weaknesses. Please help me to be a better parent to my son. I am compassionate, we talk much more openly than most parents and kids, but it is hard for me to draw a firm line sometimes. I am so mentally tired when it comes to this and C. will never know how fierce my love is for him. Oh if he only knew. But I know he is yours, Lord, also, so I "lay my Isaac down" to you, Lord. Please work in him a new life.

Hands lifted to you Jesus, in praise and thanksgiving for so much in my life. Bring me ever closer to you. Work through me to others I pray.

Amen

Restore Me

Lord,

Just when I think I know where you are leading me I find myself in a place, overloaded with too much information, and not sure of what I am to do. That is where I am again after today. And I am so tired I can hardly move at the moment, and somehow feeling really down with the confusion of it all swirling in my head. I seek your direction, your peace, my hand reaching out to you.

Please help me. Help me to know what to do. Because all I really want to do right now is to crawl into a hole and curl up and sleep for a few months to make it all go away. I don't want to be back on that slippery slope, so please, Lord, please come through for me and restore me again.

Tuesday Ramblings

Good morning Lord,

I feel like all the tall weeds are finally being plowed down so I can see the way you are leading me. Thanks for having me call C. and I pray that when I attend the meeting this Thursday that it will be as good as I feel it should be. I feel more and more confident that this is way for me to go as it seems to just set well with me when I go in that direction. I'm sure it will be hard as I go through the steps and have to surrender ever more, but at least the foundation feels good and it feels like a good fit now. Thank you God after the turmoil it felt like I was going through.

Lord, please soften M's mother's heart after the horrible time they had when M was up north visiting her over Christmas. Help her to let go of her self absorbed bitterness and see what a treasure she has in her daughter who she seems bent on hurting. I pray for reconciliation there.

Thank you for working through K as she prepares to share the speaking in our "garden" at the women's retreat. It sounds like you've truly inspired her (yes, even if it was in the dentist's chair, but you work where you can, right?!). I pray that you will move through K and myself as we speak to the ladies in "The Garden of Knowledge/The Secret Garden". Help me to be able to talk without having to look at my notes too much. That means preparation which I hate but must do. I thank you for all the special ladies who are giving of their time and spirits to put this retreat on for all the ladies of our church and beyond. It's exciting and we are grateful and our hands are lifted to you and pray all will be moved by your Spirit that day.

Thank you that B seems to be in a better frame of mind, that he will return to the men's group tomorrow evening. That's a big step. Continue to transform his mind, dear Lord, and help him to feel connected to others, not just me and his family.

As always I ask (beg) to bestow maturity on my son. I pray he sees the value in getting a job and not being afraid of hard work. I see so much that my words fall on deaf ears. I see him think he can only make it through the gains of money and power and it grieves my entire body and spirit (these things that have always been so foreign to me even when I was away from you). I am mother and father to him and it just feels impossible sometimes. I adore him and see such hope and intelligence and value in his art, yet he can't see it, he has nothing to pull him through, he seems lost and afraid under the guise of machismo. So, please, Lord, please I beg you! Send him someone to help inspire hope and motivation and goals as apparently it is not me who can do it, which I know is often the case with parents and kids. Bring him through, find him, mature him, help him to be productive and understand the true value in you, family and doing the right thing. Hear this mother's prayer!!!

I have been lacking in my quiet time with you (which ironically is what I am speaking about at the women's retreat. Sigh!) and I need to take the time to take the time! Life can be so fractured sometimes as a mother, as a wife, keeping the house, work, church, volunteering and it's essential to take it down a notch. I promise today to take that time and make it a priority.

Help me to always be in a posture of gratitude, appreciation and singing your praises. It puts me in such a better place. It calms me down.

I love you Lord. Thank you for knowing me and loving me and guiding me and letting me rest in your strength.

Amen

Tweaked

Hi Lord. Me again. It's been another crazy 24 hours regarding this whole diet thing. Good grief, just take me through to the right place and let me get along with the rest of my life, will ya?!

I thought I had made a final decision until I had that other phone call with V. yesterday afternoon. Both A & V kind of using Nazi intimidation tactics. If I don't go to meetings 2 hours away I guess I'm not desperate enough. Um...yeah, I guess so. Maybe my problems, thank you Lord, are not as hard core as some others who need that. I don't know, but luckily you gave B, my beloved husband, to be objective and set me straight and tell me what the best thing is to do was which I immediately agreed with once he said it. Talking with J this morning confirmed it as well.

Still basically going to do what I set out to do with changing my physical health and eliminating things you did not make in this world (all those nasty refined things humans created) and growing and learning on the spiritual side of things. I know S will probably not understand when she finds out, but that is yet another thing I ask you for, Lord. I worry too much about what other people think of me to a ridiculous point, to my own detriment. So help me to set boundaries and not worry about other peoples lives or what they might think of me. It is my life you gave me and help me to only look to you and not others.

Oh, Father God, this cold, cold day in Florida is so very glorious. A strong north wind blowing and a deep blue sky and a sweater on and , good heavens, even socks and slippers on my feet. I love it. Love it! Thank you for this reward after the dog days of summer down here.

I pray to bring me back the peaceful girl I once was. Only you can give me that.

Amen

Thank you!

So it's the end of day one. I prayed before each meal, "Father please help this to satisfy me. Thank you for the good food, whole grains, green vegetables, protein." I haven't always been good about bowing my head before meals, and this helps me to thank you and and ask you to help me before everything that I eat. I like that.

Not eating between meals was a bit of challenge, you know Lord, because I am the world's best grazer all the day through. I would pride myself that I was not someone who binged, but you know I was just fooling myself in how much really went into this mouth of mine, the games I played with myself that only hurt me (and you too). But I hope to make a good clean turn in all of this. I would not have ever even thought of no sugar and no flour as even an option, but the more you brought it before me, the more I see this could be what I need to clean my body of perhaps what may be an adverse reaction to these things that others may not feel. I would have thought this would be unsustainable, and who knows maybe it will be, but for now I lean on you, Lord. Only with you can this be possible, not leaning on myself as I always have tried to before. So many who have been in this say it's a miracle from God. I'm not even looking for a miracle, just a way to neutralize what food has become in my life. And I give all the glory to you.

So I made it to the end of the day and it's not bad for the first day. No shakiness - because there were no refined flours or sugar in my body to create that. No headaches which I'm so prone to, thank God. But hunger? Um...yeah! But at least it was real hunger for real reasons. And then the meals tasted good and they were satisfying - oh praise you God! I know it's early on and there will be mountains to climb, but this first day has been awesome and much better than I thought it would be. It at least lays a decent foundation on which to build upon.

You also brought A. to me in the phone call who helped me make a good decision of which program to go with. Thank you for that. Since he's been on all the programs I've considered, and has been successful in maintaining over a 100 lb. loss for a couple of years (Just like S. who lost 75 lbs. five years ago), I do believe this organization combines all the necessary steps of mind, body and spiritual soul. At least I hope so as I reach out in faith.

So thank you again, Lord, for this first day of the year. For this first day of transition out of the cocoon of my own making that has created depression, despair, isolation, and the worst thing of all, a separation from you in this part of my life (sin) I have persisted in. It is gluttony, plain and simple.

Your mercies are great and I pray for them to continue. Like manna from heaven I only ask for you to help me one day at a time, and to not look at the whole, big, daunting picture that tends to crush my heart and my hope.

So, as always, dear Lord and friend, thanks for everything.

And thanks for listening too.

L~

Happy New Year

Father God, thank you for hope in the new year. I think tomorrow is D Day, regardless of which organization I go with, regardless that it's the first day of the year (hate those "new year resolutions" that fall away within weeks) and tomorrow my diet goes clean because I cannot wait any longer. Gulp. Yes. The time is here. Oh Lord have mercy as I dare to believe this will be what helps me become healthier again and neutralizes this idol I have made food into. Help me as I detox away from these foods. Be with me in my decisions moment by moment. Bring me through the fire. Help me (us) in all ways, Lord Jesus. I pray for peace amidst the chaos, a stronger foundation of faith to walk the walk ever closer to you. I am ready to leave 2007 behind, as is my whole family, as it's not been the best year. This new year will be better as you work stronger in our lives. This is the year we get healthier and stronger physically, emotionally and spiritually. We thank you for these blessings so that you can better use us to be your hands and feet.

Happy New Year
Bring it on!

Surrender

Father,

You know how you have been working on me mightily the past two weeks. I have asked and asked how to surrender more to you, how to loosen a particular stronghold in my life, and when you showed it more clearly to me, what did I do? I squealed like a baby and rebelled as I always have, having no faith that I could do it, rebelling in the discomfort that would follow by doing what I need to do, for having to change so much in ways that scare and frighten me.

But in your patience, you softened my heart, chastened me in the way only a parent can. These turn of events initially tipped my thoughts, mind and soul into tipsy turvy chaos, then came round to resonating deeply. You made me realize that all things about this I will miss (making it into an idol), resent (there are far better things then this), feel are not in my nature (discipline), are all the VERY THINGS I must learn to overcome to be closer to You.

Oh, Lord, I am so grateful that you orchestrated this whole thing, from the first thought in my head to contact someone I hadn't even thought about in years, to using her words to gently, but deeply pierce my soul. Already I sense a deeper surrender than ever before and I know I will only be able to hang onto you through this. But I do feel you leading me to this and so that gives me comfort as I go through your pruning process. No doubt I'll be doing some more squealing, but I rely FULLY on YOUR STRENGTH, not my own, to finally conquer this area of my life. Oh, Lord, may it be so!

I thank you also for the peace you have put within me during this Christmas season. I really just wanted to be close to you, feel your presence around me, not worry about material things, or missing my mother during this time, and you did that for me. B. goes away the day after Christmas and I look forward to that time alone with you and on my own, to prepare for the transition to come.

Be with us through this coming year, dear Lord. I am humbled by all you have done, and continue to do, in my life. I keep my request for my son before you always and persistently, that he, too, will see and accept your grace.

I love you, Father.

Laura

Tuesday

Good morning, Lord. First let me thank you for working in my son's life, that he came to me about my cutting his money off to force him to get a job, when that very morning I had decided I must be strong and do that very thing. By working in his life you made the situation far less volatile and I am so very grateful for that. Now, to remain strong and for him to actually get a job and have the intent to do so, rather then half heartedly filling out an application here and there. You are working in his life and I thank you for that (why do I ever doubt that? Forgive me when my faith weakens). Please keep him in the palm of your hand. Find him Lord as you found me! May he have eyes to see and ears to hear you, this is my RELENTLESS prayer to you.

Thank you for a wonderful day last Friday visiting with my good friend, B. I realized I have known her for 20 years now! That is a lot for me considering all my moves and and friends I had to leave behind and who eventually lost touch with me. This friendship B. and I fought for during my divorce and we are so grateful that we weathered that storm and now look at us; both of us close to you and sharing our faith with each other. What a blessing!

Thank you for my husband feeling better. I prayed that he would feel your peace, your comfort, and most of all your unconditional love and NO condemnation that Satan often throws his way. To see him this morning, like 20 lbs. had been lifted off his face and shoulders. Oh, thank you Father!

I pray that I will have discernment about the field of transcription work, whether to train for medical transcription (costly and other factors to consider) or to try my hand at general transcription.

As always, I pray for the stronghold of my weight issue. It seems as if you have been placing before me to do a recovery program regarding this. Possibly Celebrate Recovery, possibly OA (gulp), possibly just doing the steps as B, did in the Recovery Bible which I already have. Please help me to know what to do. It is surely unmanageable at this point and perhaps I need help further then myself. I just don't know. It is one failure after another. It seems the more I try to surrender it and give it to you the worse I get and I just do not understand it. Celebrate Recovery's John Baker writes of praying not to drink as he walked into a bar. I can relate as I walk into the kitchen. Give me affirmations and discernment regarding this, please!

Thank you for this glorious cool weather that finally comes through this Florida window, for the gorgeous live Christmas tree I got yesterday which fills the house with warmth and a great smell. Oh keep me in your spirit and close to you this Christmas season.

I love you , Lord Jesus, my Redeemer, my friend.

Amen

So Thankful

Father, I am so very thankful for the time with my family over Thanksgiving. Especially, earlier in the week, the time spent with my brother from California. Talking late into the wee hours I was clearly able, with passion, to present the Gospel to him in a way he had never really heard it before. You laid on my heart to pray with him, which would be the first time to do so. My first thought was "Awkward!" but as you continually pressed on my heart, you opened my brothers heart as well so that when I asked if he wanted to pray he did not hesitate and said yes. As I prayed for him and his company and his core employees by name, he cried and held my hand. What a powerful time we had with each other and I thank you. I wanted to cry myself when he told me how he did not feel alone any more because he knew you were with him, that he did not fear death because he knew he would be with you. What sweet relief. He attributes this new faith in you to me, but I know it is you and I am SO grateful for this beautiful change in his life. I am only humbled you can use me in this way and I pray for it to continue.

I am grateful to see my nephew T. who is in such a good space now. The last two times I saw him he had been going through such a rough time in his life and did not look well, withdrawn, depressed, out of work. Now he loves his job working at Federal Express and sees a future there, makes good money and is confident again. He is expressing himself creatively through music and plays the electric and acoustic guitars quite well. Thank you , Lord, for keeping him in the palm of your hand and protecting him through this time.

Lord, I pray for G. next door who has joined the Marines. So young, only 18, he will leave in January for boot camp. You know how he is a live wire, Lord, so keep him in your protection and help mature him as I ask you to do my own son.

Thank you for M. having the courage to tell her testimony in church on Sunday through her sermon. How powerfully you worked through her to so many. I was humbled to be a part of her core group during that awful time and be able to give her some comfort, just as she and K have done for me. How humbling it was to hear her as my tears fell along with many around me. How awesome to see you work! So many had their eyes opened to a whole new part of her as those even close to her knew nothing of what was happening and what she has gone through for many years. Those, so easily critical of her in her high staff position at church, had a reality check in a good way and I am so glad you worked through her to teach us all. May God bless her and those around her.

I pray for K's situation with the children they have tried to give a better life. Lord, L & K have done so much for children that are not even theirs. I pray that the kids will be able to stay in these new surroundings and good schools and the parents will not be selfish at this time and put their children first.

As we get closer to Christmas I pray that you keep my heart full and in the right place, focused on you. There are few dollars this year so I won't be worried about "things", but I don't want to miss them either, but to only enjoy this sacred season and feel even closer to you. Sometimes I feel lost without my dear mother at Christmas. I pray I will only feel grateful that I had her as my mother, that she was with me for 30 years, which is far more then so many others.

Thank you for all these things, my wonderful, caring husband and so much more.

Another Year

Father, today you know another year has passed and I'm getting to the age where I want to start forgetting these remembrances of age! Yet I am so grateful that I have lived this long without major health problems, even being overweight and not always caring how my life has impacted this body you have given me. Forgive me and I pray that I make it more of a priority, especially by age 50 next year (how can that be?!?!).

Thank you for my mother who birthed me, the most wonderful woman in the world, who made every birthday so very special, who was a friend and good adviser, the epitome of goodness, a wonderful role model no matter what she went through. Although she has been gone nearly 17 years, I miss her even more. A great woman you gave to me as my mother. Thank you for the time I had with her. One of the biggest reasons I came back to you was wanting to see her again some day.

Thank you for a great husband. He was so sweet yesterday. We had a great evening, attending the Master Songwriting Class and sitting in the front row (surprise!) listening to one of our favorite recording artists in Tampa. It was magical and a wonderful birthday. That and so much more he gave to me and I am always amazed how well he knows me and how much he loves me despite it all.

Thank your for all who remembered me yesterday and today. Cards, emails, hugs. I feel very loved and cared for and I know you work through all of them to make me feel that way.

I pray to have an even better upcoming year, for you Father, emptying more of myself and letting more of you fill my soul. Help me to reflect your glory, to do your will.

Thank you, Lord, for so much in my life when so many have much less than I. Keep me in the grateful place. Thank you for another year on this earth with my family. Amen

Harvest

Father,

Thank you for giving me a taste of autumn way down here in the South. For the colors of this season in all the beautiful pumpkins that were spread out before me, for the cooler weather that made it so pleasant to spend my time there.

Thank you for chastening my heart when the three mommies with their babies came. They did not say hello, were not looking for pumpkins, only to take photos of their babies there (OK by me). It was not until you prompted me to go to them and offer to take a picture of all of them together that they softened. And then they surprised me as they left by each donating money to the church without even buying a pumpkin. This is what kindness does.

I pray that as some staff and I meet that there will be a clearing of the air and misunderstandings will be corrected and love will abound again between us all, especially for my dear friend J. There is a place for all of us in leadership and none is better then another. Help us to understand each other.

Bless N. in the sudden loss of her mother yesterday morning. All last year we were praying for her elderly father and now it is her mother who is with you today. Give them comfort and peace, dear Lord.

I am desperate regarding my weight again. I can't seem to learn what you want me to learn regarding this. I find less and less strength to do what I am supposed to be doing. I have given this to you a thousand times but apparently to no avail. And yet, what comes to mind is the Philip Yancey book on prayer that I am reading where over and over it seems unrelenting prayer is what you want. So I continue in this vein and beg you to help me overcome this stronghold in my life.

As always I pray for C., that the glitter of the world fades for him. That he will see you with your arms open so clearly and he will run to you. I pray he finds work (even if he only submits apps to please me!) and that he sees there is a whole life out there for outside these four walls of home.

Help me to understand and love you more. Forgive my doubts and failings. Thank you for all the beauty in this world, amidst the chaos. There is always you. You will never leave us or forsake us.

Sunday Morning Thanks

Thank you for the little pleasures of life like the first cup of java in the morning in my lovely cup and saucer.

Thank you for an excellent pastor who is passionate for you and many in church I have come to love.

Thank you that C. is off with his dad today surfing. J. does not make C. a priority in his life and spends so little time with his son so I am always glad when they have the day together and I know you agree with me there. It's so important. And, yes, it makes for a nice, peaceful day in the house.

Thank you for being the driving force in my life, for showing me so much, for humbling me in many ways. To God be the glory.

Tuesday

Thank you, Lord, for sustaining me last night when I was the table leader at the Bible study. I had burdens on my heart, but you were able to help me through. More so I am grateful that afterwards B and I were able to talk in such a way that cleared the air, had us see things in the proper perspective, that we reunited in a strong way.

I know you heard C declare yesterday that he was an agnostic and my heart sagged that he had made a choice whereas up to now he was undecided. He says he is open to Christianity but cannot see it is true. He says he has asked you to reveal yourself to him for years and you have done nothing. I silently prayed to give me the words to say to him. I told him you are all around him if he would just look in a different way, but I understand at his age he wants to "see" you to believe you. I, too, have begged for you to reveal yourself in such a way he could not deny you, and while he is still open to you (I am so afraid he will close that door completely). I don't understand, Lord, why you can't make yourself more apparent to him. I have to trust your ways but it is so hard. Please hear this mother pray for her son, that he will know, love, trust and accept you. At least he believes there is something that created us. He sees nothing but Christians and "religious" man made rules and what can I say? He's right in much of what he says and sees. Too many professed Christians doing things that repel people away from you and your salvation. It makes me heartsick. I was once there also. But if you brought me back to you I trust you will with C also. So, I calmly relayed my beliefs, told him not to look at man or even church, but to you alone and to keep seeking. Oh, God, may it be so.

Thank you for giving me the wise decision not to take on yet another position with a church opportunity. Though I am flattered to be asked to be in the position I realize it is not the right thing for me and I only have so much strength for things these days. As Merry's words often come to my mind, "every opportunity is not a calling". I will concentrate on the things I have a passion for.

I ask you to bless the devotional book we will soon be printing. I feel more responsible than anyone because I edited it, put it together, chose the art and the online publication source. So many have asked about it and I pray that they will not be disappointed, that it will be a great fund raiser for many charities to your glory, Lord.

Thank you for the strength and hope I have asked for. Get us through these trials by fire right now. C has a place he thinks he might want to work at and I told him no $$ until you apply for a job there. Please, Lord, get him on his feet and moving forward in his life and help me to be encouraging but strong with him.

Humble my heart, Lord, release my pride in the areas of my body images and others (you know what they are). Thank you that I started a food diary yet again. You know I find them endlessly tedious in time, but I hope this will be a new start that can last. Help me to get more exercise then I have, to be mindful of all food choices during the day.

Help me always to be grateful for all you have given me.

In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.

Father, the peace and hope we felt here in the morning was so fleeting. By nights end we were in tears. Please restore to us Your peace, Your hope, Your strength. Lift the heavy cloak from around B. and let his heart be free and hopeful. Forgive us what we do to each other and help us to remember our love and our future.

Thankful

Lord, I'm thankful for a couple of peaceful days. No drama. Time to renew my strength and see the light again. The tattered and frayed edges are mending a bit.

I pray that Chris arises today with a drive to move forward in his life. Bestow upon him maturity, Lord. I pray that Ben has a good day and sees hope in our future together where we can live north again one day. I pray for M. in the loss of her mother and all that follows a death. Help us, her sisters in Christ, to be able to provide whatever she needs emotionally and physically. I pray in thankfulness for J. who is 6 months clean today. May time create a firm foundation away from that lifestyle. I pray for K.C. in need of healing. I pray in praise for healing of D.P. and I pray for Pastor K. who is such a blessing to our church, but who is trying in many ways of his life to grow.

I ask you to help me as I prepare for the class I am giving at the women's retreat in January. I so want the women to want to seek a deeper relationship with you, to create quiet time so you can speak to their hearts, to create their "secret garden" with you. Please give me the words to say, use me as you will, to convey this to my sisters.

You were with me yesterday when I stepped on the scale and my heart sunk in desperation and battled going to that dark place all day. Thank you that you helped me not go there and pointed me to the small and better steps toward a better life (at least I hope so - can't you hear me begging?!?!). One day, one meal, at a time. Please, I pray, you help me to get where I have wanted to be for so very long. Balance. Balance. Somehow with your help, more then I've ever needed it before.

Thank you for helping me be more disciplined in many areas of my life. You know all of those areas I have such a hard time surrendering to you. Create in me a new heart and a new understanding.

I long for a dog, but it's not the right time, so thank you for my two cats, Lucy and Georgie, who are filled with unconditional love and who are such a part of me and my life. Thank you for their quirky spirits and how they come running to my voice and wind through my legs purring. We don't know if pets go to heaven but I am hoping you'll find a place for our beloved friends.

So, here I go on with the rest of my day. Be with me in thought, spirit and words.

Amen.

Beautiful Son (who ages me in dog years)